I’ve always wondered about the proper etiquette and after doing some heavy duty Googling, I’ve come to the conclusion that there isn’t a hard and fast rule to how a bill should be split at the end of a meal.
As I dine out a lot, I find that most people that I go out with have an unsaid agreement on splitting the bill evenly. However, when I some times order more drinks or extra courses, I contribute accordingly. It’s an easy process with regular dining companions but when occasionally faced with the odd calculative (sorry – surely there is a more politically correct word for this but it eludes me at the moment) guest, that moment when it comes to splitting the bill can cause unnecessary friction between friends.
I think it’s widely agreeable that splitting a bill evenly (with the exception of one person ordering a lot extra, then he/she should offer to contribute more without asking) is generally acceptable.
From this MSN Money article I found:
“According to Esquire, after the age of 30 you should split the check evenly, regardless of what you’ve ordered.”
Lesley Carlin, co-author of “Things You Should Know” and one of the Etiquette Grrls would temper the Esquire philosophy. “If you go out to dinner frequently with the same group of friends, then it makes sense to split the check evenly. One night you have a salad, the next you have a steak – eventually it evens out.”
But how about when it’s a shared meal and a party of (for example) 6 orders 4 curries and rice for everyone and you’ve eaten less than everyone else – do you demand you pay less? As long as you’ve agreed to it, communal dishes means communal bill as well.
Also, the golden rule about going to special occasion dinners, like someone’s birthday dinner, is to never assume you will be having a free meal. And if you the places are out of your budget, perhaps suggest you meet after dinner for drinks instead.
I’ve had a friend constantly whip out her calculator every time we went somewhere and I remember this one occasion I invited her out with my other friends and when the bill came, she insisted she pay for only what she ordered because we ordered so many dishes (which, ironically, ended up to be more than the split amount).
I have the same principles when buying drinks. When you go out as a group, buying rounds is pretty standard. If you have no intentions of buying everyone a round when it’s your turn, then don’t include yourself when other people are buying rounds. And (depending on how sober you are – haha) don’t leave without offering a round if it’s not your turn yet. I think it’s just common courtesy to return the favour! I once knew someone who would always let the boy her rounds, and never once (in our many nights of going out) offered to buy a round or even a drink for him. Eventually I was told not to bring her out; no one likes a free loader.
In KL, buying rounds are not common as the economical way to buy drinks would be to split the cost of full bottles of spirits at bars/clubs. This is usually split equally.
And then there’s that infamous story about someone we know splitting the cost of a banana at a mamak, for which he paid 25c for :) Still makes me smile.. haha.
Gotta love mamaks. They are always more than happy to calculate what every one at the table had, separately, which completely negates any need to argue about who had more teh ais! :)
What’s your take on splitting a bill? Would love to hear your two cents.
{ 11 comments }
split the bill evenly unless i had dessert then i just pat my tummy and say “sorry guys!”
I always have dessert, hah! :)
I pretty much have the same method/style as you do. Depending on the majority (also depending on which group of friends), I’d either go dutch or pay whatever it is my portion is. And also when buying drinks, if someone shout me a round, I’d do the next :)
I usually split it evenly as my friends and I go out in a regular group. It ends up even in the long run anyway. As for drinks, I have a friend as yours who never bought a round in the whole time we been out. It may be acceptable once or twice but not for
months. It’s so embarassing when your other friends notice and when I told her she was offended and stopped talking to us. Yes, no one likes freeloaders!
Ah yeah it’s always hard to bring that subject up with a friend!
This reminds me of a story I heard from a friend. He just came back from the States to Malaysia and went out on a blind date.
Being used to how things were in the States, as soon as the two of them were seated he told the waiter, “Separate checks, please.”
And of course the moment those words came out of his mouth, he was thinking, “Oh shit!”
Needless to say, that date did not turn out very fruitful. :p
My opinion, what you posted makes clear sense. It’s not just a question of splitting a bill alone but when you go out and someone treat’s you to a meal it’s only fair that you return the favour the next time around.
One incident that came to mind. I received a call from a friend one night asking me to join him and a couple of others (whom I didn’t know) for dinner/drinks. I said I’d come by for a drink.
I showed up midway through their dinner (Chilli’s in BSC). Sat down, introductions were passed around. Ordered a soft drink. I didn’t eat anything, including the load of appetizers they ordered (I was full as it was).
When it came time to splitting the bill, the two I’d just met seemed to expect me to share for the appetizers…hrmm…
Needless to say, I was unamused, much to their surprise.
And Fuzz, you saw a 25c incident, I had a 20c incident! (Not sure, might have mentioned it to you before, heh)
=)
Haha. Aiyoh your poor friend. I guess for that BSC incident I’d have just said, here’s my share for the drinks. Since you didn’t eat anything it’s unfair to be expected to pay, but if you had a nibble or two then it’s some what fair? One day you gotta tell me the 20c incident. Haha!
That is super not fair! I would not have paid…the nerve of some people.
It’s always tricky. I think it depends on your relationship with the people you’re dining with.
With my close friends, we take it in turns paying for the entire dinner. It’s never an issue.
With friends, we always just split the bill evenly. I don’t like to drink a lot at dinner, so I won’t refuse if they offer to chip in more.
Plus, in New York (I assume it’s a NY thing because I never had this in Australia), I’ve found that my guy friends will take care of the check.
Yeah I agree with most of the commenters, splitting the check on normal ground but it really depends on how close you are with the group of people…
I usually split check evenly (or round up, excess as tip) when I’m out with my close group of friends. Sometimes I eat less, sometimes more and so are the rest but it’s never really an issue.
And then there’s another bunch of friends (yes they are all guys) who’ll never let me foot the bill for drinks no matter how I insist. They say it’s not their style to let a girl pays. The same goes for some dates. I buy them nicer bday/ xmas presents =)
I have had a dinner date, the conversation went so bad I couldn’t wait to leave the table and go home. Nevermind him who excused himself to the loo for 10 mins when I asked for the check. So I paid the full bill and he did not even offer to pay back his share. Errrr…
And there was once I was invited to someone’s karaoke party where I only knew the birthday girl and noone else. The group had ordered generous bottles of black labels. I excused myself from the alcohol but when the bill comes, they splitted evenly. I told them I did not drink and they gave me a really wierd stare and argued that this is for the girl’s birthday. So I paid the full share even though I thought it was quite unfair for me. What would you have done?
Anyway, I like your blog Steph. Keep it up! :)
Never ever ever paid for meal with an even split, not in Australia. In my view only wealthy people who don’t care about money would split evenly without regard for what was consumed. Most in Australia care greatly about what they pay for.
Most often I do the Chinese way – one person pays the lot, but only if it’s someone I’m very familiar with would I allow them to pay for me.
Most of the time I pay my share and a little bit extra for buffer. Anyone who expected me to split even would “cop an earful”.