This is something older, maybe two or three years back, from an email from a friend in London doing research on women. Found it while attempting a massive mission trying to clear up and organise my Gmail inbox. Also someone told me over the weekend that women these days have too many expectations that if men didn’t check all their boxes it’s see you later before the date even ends.. Hmm!
1. What attracts you to a man? I’m wanting everything from the base and superficial (he needs to be hot) to the deep and meaningful (needs to be intelligent).
First thing – confidence! I think men who are on top of things are extremely attractive. Sense of humour. This would be a WIP but values and beliefs are important also.. not necessarily has to match my own, but someone who has direction and priorities is always attractive. Intelligence is a given, I tend to get bored easily with men don’t challenge me mentally.
Physically he needs to be taller than me (LOL its kinda rare over here.. bleh) and although not a hard and fast rule I tend to be more attracted to men with dark hair/eyes and full lips. I am also attracted to men who are physically fit and dresses well because this shows he knows how to take care of himself. First impressions are important.
2) What do you think are the big turn-offs when a guy randomly approaches you? What are the turn-ons in the same situation?
When he cannot look me straight in the eye. Bad openers; especially when they lose the plot after getting an unexpected response. Timing – some times women want to be left alone.. if they don’t say much don’t overstay your welcome. When there is premature body contact involved (unless unintentional in cramped spaces) <— big no no.
Someone who can take all aspects of an approach situation into account and use it to good effect. There have been a couple of times where I don’t even notice I’ve been approached. Again comes the confidence bit. Respect of personal space.
3) I’ve often heard that women find it hard to meet “good” men – why do you think this is?
This is a really hard question to answer. Everyones idea of a good man is different. Most women look in the wrong places. Some try too hard and miss the bigger picture. Others just don’t know what they are looking for. Also women tend to have too many expectations, instead of trying out potentially great partners they look for the one. I’ve seen women become so fixated with their impression of someone that they rationalise and justify all the ‘flaws’ until reality kicks in much later on. Women are also less proactive in terms of approaching men that they may intuitively find “good”.. this has also alot to do with the woman’s self esteem.
You know how they say women like bad boys.. this is so true! They say one thing and go for another and whine about it later and often mistake physical compatibility for much more.
4) Within reason, what would you want to change about the average man you meet or the guys who approach you? What are “we” lacking?
I wish they’d be more original with their openers, a lot of time it comes across as staged. A more genuine approach would be nice. Also, less sleaze.. more ‘I’d like to get to know you’ rather than ‘I’d like to get in your pants’ vibe – esp in bars and clubs.
Whats funny though is the average man who approach me are never Asian. I think I must intimidate them or something. Which actually annoys me to bits because the guys that do approach me in KL are mostly expats etc who like Asian women and for some reason all have this crazy notion that Asian women are generally pretty submissive. They almost always expect to score (and I’m stereotyping them a bit here) and think they are irresistible to Asian women.. which is a massive turn off. Not that I have anything against expats etc!
5) What should a guy talk about when he chats with you? What shouldn’t he talk about?
I assume this would be between people who have just met? There should be an effort to suss out the commonalities between the both of us. Things in common, say… food… and go from there. If you hit a lukewarm response switch the subject gracefully. Good things to talk about are the less personal general view topics, and work from there. Pop culture is generally safe. Everyone has an opinion.
Women love attention, so it’s also safe to subtly drop compliments (if you mean it) here and there and indulge their vanity and get them talking about themselves more.
Never discuss salary, exes and religion. Some of these should be left to much later.. haha.
6) What’s the difference between someone who you’d happily snog or take home, and the “keeper?”
With the guy I’d happily snog, I wouldn’t really be interested to find out too much about him or reveal too much about myself, just as much as it takes to keep the conversation going. It is kind of superficial, like a game almost.. you don’t worry about what he thinks of you or how he likes his coffee in the morning.
I wouldn’t take the keeper home on the first night.. gives me time to sleep over it ;)
Oh btw, I trust you (or other SIL members) have read or heard of this book… The Game by Neil Strauss? Very interesting book on professional PUAs (Pick Up Artists)… most of the stuff in the book is too much for the average guy however there are some good insights on how to overcome nervousness and build confidence when approaching women as well as a general idea on how a female mind (supposedly) works.. you’ll have to sift through a layer of alpha male talk to find them but it’s pretty interesting and worth a read if you’re doing this research.
