Absolutely Fuzzed - 23/11/2002: "Return"

This site started when I was with Bronson, hence I thought it would be a good idea to end it when we ended things. It brings back too many memories of all the times we had and such, you know that line.. he even has a sub-domain here, which will be left as is. I'm leaving everything as it is. I've lost the drive to make things better here on this site, but I decided I'll keep writing. It helps.

I'm sure alot of people would like to know what happened with us. Things didn't work out - he decided I wasn't right for him. He found someone else. Someone who would give him all the excitement of a new love without the pain. And me.. I'm getting over it. It's probably a good thing we ended things when we did. We've both changed in so many ways, and distance has made memories fade.

The trip back home was good. When I left Wanganui, I was pretty happy until I got on the plane and looked back out at all my friends waiting for my flight to take off. I'm glad I met them, they've been good to me during my time in NZ. I miss them more than anything now, miss my life in NZ and more than anything I'd like to go back there. KL brings back too many happy memories and I don't need them right now.

I'm leaving early. As soon as Jimi's back, after his birthday, I'll be ready to leave. There are so many things I miss about NZ, and one of them is a friend I met who was there for me when I needed him to be. We're just friends, nothing more, and even so, he's done so much for me, more than Bronson ever did in my last two months there. I'm glad we met.

Auckland was good, for the few hours I was there. Melbourne was better, my dad's friend picked me up and took me around. He even gave me money to shop, but I returned it. Went a little nuts at Nike, but that's because my bag broke and I needed a new one right then!

Felt really strange landing in KLIA, walking out of the airport. On one hand I'm glad to be home but on the other, I don't know what to expect from here anymore. I feel like I'm living two seperate lives. And as for my friends, I'm torn because most of them are his friends too. How do you handle something like that? I don't want to make anyone feel like they have to take sides or choose between us.

Went to a gym in Mont Kiara on Thursday. It was good picking it up again, it's giving me a routine to hang on to, and I got picked up by some men there - at least I know I'm still somewhat attractive. You have no idea how low your self-esteem can go when your man dumps you for another girl. It's even worse if she's a beauty queen. Sigh. Tried the gym in Raintree Ampang yesterday, but that one sucked big time and I'm never going back there again! The equipment has to be ancient and the room is so small it's a wonder it passes off as a gym. Pfft.

I've got alot of people to catch up with today. I like being busy, it keeps my mind off him.

steph, i'm glad you wrote. kinda missed your musings and was kinda hoping that you'd be taking things not too bad. seriously, it's HIS loss for not wanting to be with you. i know it hurts, but you know you deserve SOOOO much more. i guess this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise for ya. be strong (((hugs)))

hello,there,
"truth hurts" - and it's not just a song. Happy to see you pick up and move. Maybe start a whole new site with a whole new different theme for the new year? Keep me posted - like your designs.

Fuzzie darlin!! Mizzed u so much!!!
So what if she is a beauty queen?
My Fuzzie is more prettier!! Beauty queen sucks big time..they need to rely on make-ups most of the time.

=) glad to know you're in much better state. all this ups and downs hopefully won't bring u down =P take care you heh

what i know of you is what you have chosen to show to us. i don't even know you personally.

i think you have every reason to NOT have low self-esteem because you're an intelligent, talented, extremely attractive, and outgoing girl.

great to have u back fuzzster! Hang in there babe, u've got all the friends in the world that you need and now that you're back, kick back, relax and have fun!

Psst, bump into you one day at 12SI? :p

hi. i'm a semi-regular visitor to your site and i'm glad you've decided to keep it up.

with the whole relationship thing, well, all good things must end, and all bad things must end.

from what i can tell you're intelligent, attractive and talented. it's the arsehole's loss. not yours.