Absolutely-Fuzzy[dot]com - 02/02/2003: "Apprehension"

I don't want to leave. In 4 days I'll be on a plane back to NZ, with nothing to look forward to except my graduation and my final degree project. I'll be spending my birthday unpacking, my Valentine's at a re-orientation and my weekends at the lab. It took me a few weeks to adapt to my old life back here in KL and now that I'm fully in it, it's gonna take me even longer to get used to NZ again. Roy's right, you won't know what you're missing until it's gone - although he said this in a different context, it definately applies here.

Whats bothering me even more is my initial feeling of apprehension about my return to NZ. I've been feeling apprehensive since about 4-5 weeks ago, and since then it's been coming and going and now its here to stay. The worse bit - I cannot fathom the source of my apprehension. Dammit.

Last night triggered it again. I don't know why. I can't figure out why and I spent the better half of last night trying to figure out why and gambling at the same time, which is a bad idea because I started losing, but I was still up about 70, decided to quit while I'm ahead and lost another 10 later in the final round. If I don't feel good, I'm definately not gonna place any bets.

Why am I feeling like this? Am I having too much fun? And is this the reason? NZ is not all that bad, I had fun there. Can't be because I'm single either, being single has been fun, being single in NZ will be even more fun - I can now hang out with my guy friends without feeling like I'm not supposed to have so much fun hanging out with them. Financially, I'm ok too. I got all my bases covered, so why the apprehension? Am I leaving too much behind? My friends will always be around, and it's not like I'm never coming back, besides, everyone's just a phone call away and it's not all that expensive to call either.

Regardless, NZ is where you have to go to do what you have to do. This will last you a lifetime. As does your family and friends.

eh, by any chance do you own and wear a red ferrari top? and were in the vicinity of bangsar just now? thought i saw someone who looks like you...=P

She was, cuz she was spotted in Sunrise too. *grin*

I agree with lamarr, as you will rarely have the opportunity to revisit what you're doing in NZ. Once you graduate, you'll probably look back and think, "Dang, perhaps I should've stayed on longer." I am at least. :)

there is nothing wrong of what you are feeling now. holiday & festive mood. shifting gears downward.

there is something to look forward to. a good career. finish what you have started in NZ and you'll start your journey as a working adult. time to shift gears upward.

oh btw, GONG HEY FATT CHOY!

When U play, play hard and when U work, work hard (or smart). So, time to work hard in NZ after U have finished playing hard. Or U have not enough of playing hard?

kaoru, yep that was me :)

im not really dreading my 'workload' or school, really. just going back there. weird eh. im actually pretty excited abt my degree project. argh.