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01/13/2004 Entry: "Someone exactly like you"

Someone exactly like you

I have taken down the cast page till further notice. I'm not satisfied. It's all peculiar mood swings and flagrant indecisions today.

Ten minutes ago, Van Morrison's Someone like you made me cry. Three drops of guilt trickled down my cheeks, one each for what was, what could've been and what will never be. I always, sometimes unwillingly, recount one particularly momentous afternoon like a freeze frame in my mind. In the picture, the wind is still, the leaves unmoving and even the traffic seemed to pause as the song plays in the background and two denim-clad figures walk down the street hand in hand. The chords always elicit the same painful tug, an empty hollow sensation akin to exhaling your last breath, and sometimes my hairs stand on end.

My recollections are often related to relinquishment or the act of it. How very morbid.

The inspiration for writing the rest of my thoughts just deserted me, or is it that I am not entirely sure where my thoughts are going (twenty different directions at a time) or am I afraid of the implications they might have?

I need a new book to read.. a new world to lose myself in.. a new character to fall in love with. The books on my shelf call out to me, but I've met them all before. I wish my new book (thank you again, Jack) would arrive sooner. Maybe it's time to go book-hunting again.

Pictures from the cruise are up.. thank you, Nik.

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