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05/16/2004 Entry: "Alvin Tan FAQs You"

Alvin Tan FAQs You

Hi, folks.

Ms. Stephanie isn’t back yet, so my esteemed fellow guest bloggers and I are still holding the fort.

Not that I won’t stick around after her return, but you have to realize that this site, after all, serves primarily as the virtual outlet of a girl called Stephanie. People certainly don’t key in www dot absolutely fuzzy dot com to read, for instance, about some guy’s prevaricating narrative of how cueball pussy is far preferable to untrimmed bush because of the propensity of pubic hair to get trapped between his incisors, or how, with an indeterminate-- but definitely overzealous-- application of AstroGlide, one can go at it for approximately 25% longer.

Hell no. People go to www.geocities.com/rratedalvin for that.

Again, this is still Ms. Stephanie’s site, and I am but a guest in her cyber sanctum sanctorum. So here’s an assurance for all of you regular readers of her blog: this site won’t be re-labeled Absolutely Perverse any time soon.

Besides, it’d be pretty unbecoming of a guest to get his host busted for internet obscenity.

Anyway. I see a question raised in the guest entry below— namely, that of why people blog— and I thought it might be appropriate if I gave an answer.

Of course, it is MY answer. Yours may vary in accordance to your level of self-delusion.

More of Alvin's FAQs:

(An excerpt)

WHY ALVIN TAN BLOGS!

Perhaps, more accurately, the question should have been: Why does Alvin Tan blog here? Given that I already have my own site, it’s not entirely unreasonable to expect me to stick to my own turf and not pollute the little envelope of cyberspace Ms. Stephanie calls her own.

Some of you might venture a guess that the answer lies in the subtle but very real dichotomy between writing a column and a blog entry. For one thing, a column has length, an element which provides me the luxury of indulging in my occasional tendency to ramble. The style of column-writing is different as well, a distinction rooted in the raison d’etre of the piece— whereas the column is an effusion of cognitive thought, the blog is an effusion of the soul. The former is transitive; the latter, never ephemeral.

Therein, perhaps, lies the reason why I decided to blog on Ms. Stephanie’s site. I already have a site for my column; and can there ever be a better proxy for the epiphany of what beats beneath my breast than the site of a friend?

All this may be true. I’m not sure, but I do know that, regardless of the reasons I postulate, inevitably they all reduce to one incontrovertible fact about my person. It is the sine qua non of what drives me to write what I have always written, and will always write, for a very long time to come. I write columns, and now I also write blogs. But the reason has never changed.

I get laid through my writing, baby. And that garners me one hell of a better track record than my fuckin’ Platinium Visa.

Replies: 16 comments

it is truly disturbing to read your post following the previous one.

Please dear lord let steph come back.


Posted by chris @ 05/16/2004 12:28 PM GMT


Chris--
I can empathise. Just recounting my muff-diving experience-gone-awry sends a shudder down my spine, as well.

Posted by Alvin @ 05/16/2004 01:49 PM GMT


Ahhhhh!!!! It was funnie for a moment but now it's Aaahhhhh!!! Steph...... come back!

Posted by Kayz @ 05/17/2004 12:37 AM GMT


Kayz--
I'm guessing you'll like my columns even less.

Posted by Alvin @ 05/17/2004 03:39 AM GMT


A guy with platinum visa but no cash, a pretender perhaps. Beats me what this guy's trying to proof.
Thought Steph's bad enough, this guy's worse.
Get lost! and Steph, don't you return too!

Posted by Fat Dick @ 05/17/2004 09:08 AM GMT


you come to a website which you don't like, can't understand and obviously not intelligent enough to appreciate, and then you leave a comment telling the webmaster not to return ... god you are amusing.

Posted by jason @ 05/17/2004 10:54 AM GMT


i'm back and i'm lovin' it. hello kids.

Posted by fuzzy @ 05/17/2004 11:42 AM GMT


Bravo! love the come back will use that one in the future! kakakaka

Posted by Desiree @ 05/17/2004 12:18 PM GMT


Alvin. I really mean no offense. But you're writing sounds like a thesaurus having diarrhea.

It literally makes me want to kill myself.

YEAY! steph is actually back. thank goodness!


Posted by chris @ 05/17/2004 03:03 PM GMT


chris babe, i never left ;)

Posted by fuzzy @ 05/17/2004 03:11 PM GMT


Fat Dick--
I'd prove that you were an idiot, but it's really nice of you to save me the trouble.

Chris--
You're right. I should use the F-word more often instead.


Posted by Alvin @ 05/17/2004 06:35 PM GMT


alvin's an airhead bullshitter! go update ur own blog!
this i copied from his so-called column:
Alvin Tan is a student in an institution of higher learning, where he spends more time getting high than learning. He does not have a job; ergo no regular source of income and no credit card, and saves money by skiving cigarettes off friends.-end-
he claim here he has platinum visa, stop insulting ur own intelligence. calls other ppl an idiot for nothing... go eat ur own shit and sux ur own dick, u are not appreciated, asshole.
Do ur mother a favour, stop acting like an angmoh when u r not, WANABEE!! buzz off!
I'd proof u a maggot infested ogre but that wont do justice to u, u got more air in ur head than maggots.

Posted by Freaky Dildo @ 05/19/2004 02:20 AM GMT


FD--
I'm pretty sure you wanted to use the F-word real bad in that little tirade of yours, but it sort of lets the side down when it comes out as "****".

Quite a shame, isn't it? Fortunately for me, I have no such problem when I make blog entries.


Posted by Alvin @ 05/19/2004 11:51 AM GMT


never believe everything you read on the internet.

that's all i have to say ;)


Posted by fuzzy @ 05/19/2004 12:43 PM GMT


It's like watching a bad episode of Jerry Springer (like there ever was a good episode in the first place) without Jerry, the crazy audience and flashing boobies.

I don't see why any of you think that any and every aspect of steph's life is open for your egoistical, disrespectful, clumsily-worded and oft-rude comments.

I don't even understand why you keep coming back when you obviously find this place so distasteful to your sub-level state of mind.

But hey, who am I to try and understand, eh?

cheers sooks ;D


Posted by t @ 05/20/2004 03:17 PM GMT


Dear t,
who is talking bout steph?
put on your specs old hag, at least that will help u see and read better when u dont even have the weeny bit of intelligence to comprehend.
better still, go thru everthing again and maybe u will understand this shitty blogs by alvin better than "us" <== whoever u mean.

Posted by Fire Dragon @ 05/20/2004 08:37 PM GMT















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