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Tiff is feeling The current mood of woozie@hotmail.com at www.imood.com

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[ Friday, November 30, 2023 ]

 
Reminder to self: Dance practice from 2.30 - 4.30pm at the AC.
Tiff. L [10:54 PM]

 
Seems to me that this term hasn't been sucky for me alone; lots of people at the end of their ropes, thinking of giving up on so many things. That just sucks, pfft. :(

Had a small fight with my sister over the 'phone just now. I hate it when she starts picking on me for the stupidest things, getting me all riled up before saying that she's just kidding. She always said I never had a sense of humour, but honestly, I just feel that she rubs me the wrong way. So yeah, I don't have a sense of her humour, pfft. Whatever. I'm so close to breaking it's not even funny, and all she can say is that. Bah. I hung up on her and called back again to speak to my dad and mom for a few minutes. I love my sister, don't get me wrong, but there are times when I wish she'd cut me some slack when she knows that things are bad enough as it is. Telling me to just pack up and quit? One would think that she'd know me better than that. That girl never fails to upset me, bleh. :(

Am talking to Shean Min on ICQ; seems he's thinking of just staying in Malaysia instead of heading to Melbourne, because if he goes over he'll have to do a couple of extra subjects and stuff. The good news is that he's not that disappointed, so I'm glad for him. And that also means when I turn 21, he'll be there, and we can go party or something, yay! Not gonna be alone in Malaysia for summer after all ;)

I knew something good had to come out of this day, because it's not even 12 and it's been pretty bad so far. Things happen for a reason, eh.

Currently listening to: Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [11:53 AM]

 
Just got off the 'phone with my mom. I really don't know whether I should laugh or cry now. She had appendicitis, and it had ruptured because the ass of a doctor in the Emergency Room didn't bother to examine her properly, and now it's infected. And I should be thankful that that's about as bad as it got, because it could have been so much worst. At times like these you know that life is only so short and could've gone either way. I'm thankful she's alright. Heck, she's playing cards with my cousins and aunt now, even as we speak. She hung up on me because she wanted to go back to her game, heh. Yeah, so I told Merv, and he's gonna go visit her and make sure she's alright. Thanks Merv *hug*
...
Just another day in the life...and it's only 9am.

*sigh*

Currently listening to: Bee Gees' How Deep Is Your Love
Current emotion: worried
Tiff. L [9:13 AM]

 
Okay, life ain't treating the people I care about that well. That sucks :( Hang in there Kai and Sharon. *hugs tight*

I wish. pfft.

Currently listening to: Rick Price's Fragile
Current emotion: sad
Tiff. L [7:40 AM]

[ Thursday, November 29, 2023 ]

 
Aww, guess what? Heather bought me red striped toothpaste on inpulse for me, lol! Ah, I guess some dreams do come true :) (Now to dream my lottery ticket, hah!). Anyways, headed to Champlain with Roger to buy some food this afternoon; bumped into Heather there who gave me my toothpaste *happy grin* We headed back and I ate wih Heather before getting some stuff like the photocopying etc. done for "Secret Santa". Did some reading, and the time simply flew by. spent a good 2 hours just talking to sooks and checking her assignment over for her (stupid screwy taskbar! hehe). Headed to OC later with Kayla and the rest of the girls; it's been a long time since everyone went out together. Bernard ws there, and he basically spent a good 10 minutes harassing me, including holding me in a headlock and hugging me so tight I couldn't breathe. This guy is twice my size and is way past six feet, so Susan and Asha basically had to drag him off me. *phew* Talk about pre-dinner entertainment, lol. Was yelling at one point, but you couldn't really hear cos it was all muffled, haha. Stress, sigh.
Much more sobering news; I just found out that my mom was in hospital two weeks ago, for appendicitis, and no one told me. I know she's alright now and everything (which is why Alice called to let me know), but god do I feel like a a useless kid right about now. I should have been there, or at least called, when she was in hospital. I could have made much more of an effort to call, and, oh man. I... don't know. Just feel like crap now, knowing that mom was in pain and in hospital, and I didn't know. Me, going on about my stupid life here on campus while mom was... argh. Ugly, so so ugly. I suppose that's why mom was slightly morbid when I called last week, pfft. I want a hug.
Kay, I need time off now. This blog is getting depressing. Think I'll go downstairs and see my girls for some therapy...

Currently listening to: Collective Soul's Shine
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [10:13 PM]

 
Bunny in the mailbox!

( \_/ )
(='.'=)
(")_(") 'tis a cute bunny, no? :)

Ah, and I just found out from Stephen over ICQ; my fourth Daily Poem, heh. coo'.

Currently listening to: Texas's Once in A Lifetime
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [8:20 AM]

 
I dreamt I had red striped toothpaste, accckk!!

I seriously need a life, lol. *smacks forehead*

Currently listening to: Journey's Open Arms
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [6:39 AM]

[ Wednesday, November 28, 2023 ]

 
Ah, e-mail. Can't live without it. So yeah, remember my blog about toothpaste? I actually received an e-mail about it.

Hey Tiff,
Thought you might want to know, if you buy Aquafresh toothpaste it not only has white and green, but also red stripes. :)
Heather

oo, red stripes...Heather, you are awful for encouraging this, lol. (but wow, red stripes...)

Currently listening to: Damage's Wonderful Tonight
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [11:20 PM]

 
Mass of contradictions, that's what me and my blog are. Man, sometimes I don't know why I feel as if I ought to explain myself, but pfft. I just am the way I am. But I promise, I'm not this crazy offline. My friends can vouch for that, lol.

Life is contradiction
Reality, sometimes fiction
Normal, sane, crazy too
But always real, always true.

I have to say, go listen to Fat Boy Slim's remix of the Beastie Boys' Body Movin'. Kickin' stuff, that.

Currently listening to: Beastie Boys' Body Movin' (Fat Boy Slim remix)
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [2:13 PM]

 
My new name shall have "stupid" somewhere in there. Got all riled up over my science fiction paper, only to find out that the deadline was Friday, not today. That should make me feel better, but it doesn't, not with all the stuff hanging over my head right now. I can't wait to pack up and leave for Jersey on the 10th. Anyway, I left class early 'cause they're showing us a movie (Dark City) and not even 15 minutes into it and I was spooked out. Yeah, I'm chicken that way. I didn't need nightmares on top of everything else (and I know for sure had I stayed, I wouldn't sleep well for the next two weeks) so I picked up my bag and left.
Am talking to sooks on AIM, and I'm swearing my head off. I tend to swear when I'm tired. Proven fact, based on college days. I miss sooks. And Sharon and Irene and the rest of them will be back home by next week. I want to go home. See everyone. Friends. Family. My dogs. And yet I don't. I feel like a drifter now, with no place to call home, except for my room in rez, and even this is temporary. Malaysia is no longer home. Not after summer. Had the distinct feeling that I was a visitor, what with everything that happened. Yah, feeling weird now. It's sad when there's no place you feel that you truly belong. But maybe I feel like this now because I'm tired. I'm so prone to mood swings. Five minutes is enough to change my whole outlook and perspective on anything and everything. So please, pay me no attention. I rant, and go into tangents, and I forget the thread of thought which plagues me.
I don't even remember where I started now.

I'm sorry I worry you. I don't mean to, really I don't. :(

Currently listening to: East 17's Deep
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [1:35 PM]

 
I have reached new levels of retardedness... *sobs*

Currently listening to: Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [10:54 AM]

 
You know you've really lost it when you find toothpaste fascinating, and brush your teeth often just so you can use it. And on top of that, you blog not once, not twice, but three times about how fascinated you are by a tube of toothpaste. Well, not just any toothpaste, we are talking about striped toothpaste after all. Ah well, at least I'll have super-clean teeth.

Somebody shoot me now...

Currently listening to: Cayuga Waiters' cover of Counting Crows' Hanging Around
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [10:51 AM]

 
I love striped toothpaste.
(I just had to share that).

*smacks self and goes back to work*

Currently listening to: Bad English's When I See You Smile
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [6:01 AM]

 
Know what I find interesting? Striped toothpaste, hehe. All those years in Malaysia where it was just the plain white stuff, and watching American tv ever since I was a kid and seeing those funky striped ones, man. Always wanted striped toothpaste. Always! I bought my first tube of it yesterday, yay! *grins* It's green jelly-like and white and looks wicked on the toothbrush; it's cool (and minty too *grins).

Can you tell that stress is getting to me? lol. ima go use my green jelly-like and white toothpaste now. *shakes head at self*

Currently listening to: 4 Non-Blondes' What's Up?
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [4:54 AM]

 
Days go by so quickly that I lose track of time easily. Am now being harassed online by my sister to call my parents. Yes Audrey, I will do that soon okay? *sigh*

Hah, bought cereal this morning and I got myself a little beanie bee dressed in a Roots sweatshirt, neat :) 205 was okay; spent the hour doodling in my notebook, ho hum. Rhymes and meter, pfft. Had lunch with Daniel, Miranda, Faye and Raymond. Was supposed to head downtown, but was too tired, so I stayed in. Tasha tried to break my door again, and all for what? Garbage bags. She needs a lesson in manners and common courtesy, that one. Damned chick.
Dons' meeting tonight; wish I could say what was said, but my contract doesn't allow me to do so, bleh. We're supposed to sing (?) at the Festive Dinner this weekend, lol. Hey Kris, I heard you were mighty excited about it. I'll stand behind you okay? :P *grins* Am off to write my science fiction paper, word.

Currently listening to: PM Dawn's I'd Die Without You
Current emotion: blah

Tiff. L [3:08 AM]

[ Tuesday, November 27, 2023 ]

 
( \_/ )
(='.'=)
(")_(")

hah, I managed to import a bunny! (courtesy of Pascal) *grins* My Bunny ain't here, so I guess this will have to suffice. I miss Bunny; mom said she wouldn't mail him. :( Wonder if I can talk dad into doing it...

Currently listening to: Shania Twain's You've Got A Way
Current emotion: tired
Tiff. L [7:47 AM]

 
I went to sleep around 5-ish and I've lost count the amount of times I've been woken up in between, heh. Kris and Vanessa came by and gave me a candy apple which they made *feels special* :) Went downstairs and spoke to Sarah H. and Jenn for a while. Jenn gave me an Advent Calendar, yay! Sarah L. came up and we had biscuits and hazulnut spread for dinner, lol. Helped Terri with her Donne paper: spent a good 15 minutes explaining imagery and stuff (I'm glad I remember last year's work, lol). Which reminds me, I have to find 2 hours to spare this week to help Kira study for English 100, pfft. Mm, have to remember to attend the LEC Dons' meeting tomorrow night. *pokes self* I think I'll get another 2 hours before getting back to work.

Things to do:
#1. Finish sc. fi paper
#2. Finish myth paper
#3. Finish drama paper
#4. Finish 205 nonsense
#5. Organize "Secret Santa" - make posters, sign up sheets
#6. Mail plane ticket to Toronto to have it changed asap
#7. Shop for "Secret Santa" gifts
#8. Help Kira study for mid-year paper
#9. Dons' meeting tomorrow
#10. Issue letters
#11. Mail "stuff" to people
#12. Send card home
#13. Festive Weekend - ?
#14. Dance practice on 1st Dec (don't forget, or Wei Lynn will want blood!)
#15. Student dons' dinner on the 9th
#16. Dons' Festive Dinner - ?
#17. Drinking session with Roger, Kayla and Sarah L. - ?
#18. Go for classes!
#19. Clean room
#20. Organize the next Relaxation Night with Kris
#21. Sleep (you know, when you pass out? yah. passing out works)
#22. Eat
#23. Make sure girls in halls aren't killing themselves over stress
#24. Make sure I don't kill myself over stress.

phew. I can't wait for the next two weeks to end.

Currently listening to: Live's I Alone
Current emotion: exhausted
Tiff. L [1:13 AM]

[ Monday, November 26, 2023 ]

 
I forgot about some kinda meeting. pfft. I bought Kayla an early Christmas present: a Toronto Leafs' calendar. She was so happy she smacked me on the head with it, hehe. Oww. :P

Tired.

Sleep? What's that? :P

Currently listening to: Ultra's Say It Once
Current emotion: hmm..?
Tiff. L [9:09 PM]

 
Back from Trail College. Went for classes this morning. Had lunch with Catherine, walked around downtown, went for more classes. ENGL215 was cancelled, thank goodness. For once I got back before it was dark. I'm exhausted. Think I'll go crash now.

*thump!*

Currently listening to: Richard Marx's Hold on To The Night
Current emotion: wha..?

Tiff. L [4:28 PM]

 
The sun is up, I rub my eyes
A brand new day,now my heart it tries
To stop beating, to slow down
Thinking of work just makes me frown
Am so tired, can't help but feel
I'm at the end of my rope, but friends heal
Look towards the window, all I see
Falling leaves of yellow and brown on the tree
Winter comes, with darkness it brings
But snow falling, my heart it sings
Am still not done with daily cares in life
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth all this strife
But I keep my faith, my head held high
No matter what, my best I try
Because I know, deep down inside
I'm loved, I'm blessed (and my brain is fried!).

hehe. *shrug* *smiles*

Currently listening to: Shawn Stockman's Vision of a Sunset
Current emotion: exhausted
Tiff. L [9:09 AM]

 
I was out and had left my door unlocked. Came back to find a little note on my 'puter. It's when I get notes like these I smile and thank God for the little blessings in life.

Tiffany-wiffany...where did you go?
Since you left, my heart is full of woe...
I miss your smile, your love and hugs...
And amazing Donning-ness, although it bugs
Me and Tanay, how great you are!
You are more amazing than us, by far.

Gnite babe!
Love Kristina

I love ya Kristina *hugs* (and no, I'm not amazing. WE are, lol).
What would I do without my friends? Over and above this little poem, had a couple of jokes from Sarah L. and a note from Pascal in my mailbox to make me smile and laugh.

I am blessed and I am thankful. :)

Spent an hour in Roger's room talking to him, Asha and Sarah L. Procrastination, weeee!! Roger showed us his really cool boxers with smilie faces which glowed in the dark, lol. He fed us rice crackers and pizza, and we just talked about stuff. Ah, rez life. You deal, you feel, you heal.

Currently listening to: Elton John's Sacrifice
Current emotion: loved
Tiff. L [1:28 AM]

[ Sunday, November 25, 2023 ]

 
Stanza of the Day:
Life's a bloody yo-yo
It's a goddamned swing
Swtiching, changing
up and down, up and down
Making no sound
Whatever, no matter
for now, forever
Maybe scream, maybe cry
It's really true:
Life's a bitch and then you die.

ima coo', hehe. pfft.

Thought of the Day:
In pain one still has grace
Proudly adversity in life you face
Hold on, hang on, don't let go
Some day, some way, somehow I know
Good things will happen, blessed be
all hurt gone, from pain you're free.

Currently listening to: Deep Blue Something's Breakfast at Tiffany's (*grins*)
Current emotion: determined
Tiff. L [9:48 PM]

 
1 1/2 hours of my life down the drain. Stupid meeting. Damn you damn you damn you.

Damn you. Damn YOU. DAMN YOU.

(NB: This in no way refers to any of my readers)

OK, I feel better now. pfft. And yes, I still love everyone. So please don't worry.

I've been in these chains for so long
I'll break free and I'll be there where I belong
Hold my head up high, I stand tall
And I swear this time I won't fall
I will do this
No matter what it takes
'cause I know no limitations
And I'll reach my destination
I will get there...

- Boyz II Men's I Will Get There

*takes a deep breath* I can deal with that.

Currently listening to: Boyz II Men's I Will Get There
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [9:02 PM]

 
Insomnia is evil. Evil I tell you! pfft. It's gonna be a nightmarish week ahead. Why can't we just skip all the homework and go straight to Christmas break huh? I could deal with that. *giggles* You're right Heather, you're never gonna hear the end of my "I could deal with that" till I forget the bear joke :P lalala...

Yup. I could deal with that. *giggles again*

I've got a meeting in 15 minutes. Can't do any work, brain's not functioning. The good news of the week is that English 215 is cancelled for tomorrow, which means I get back at a decent hour for once. Bleh.

Currently listening to: Bon Jovi's Lean On Me (live)
Current emotion: pfft.
Tiff. L [6:54 PM]

 
AIM moments :)

woozstah (4:55:34 AM): i love kayla, lol
LoRd RiGGY (4:55:38 AM): hahaha
woozstah (4:55:42 AM): she always hides me from the mob
LoRd RiGGY (4:55:49 AM): i wanna play hide the penguin
LoRd RiGGY (4:55:57 AM): I wanna play!!!!!

veeehm (5:01:20 AM): *hugs you then steals your socks*
veeehm (5:01:24 AM): Wwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeee
woozstah (5:01:55 AM): gimme back my fuchsia socks!!
veeehm (5:02:08 AM): *hides em*
woozstah (5:02:25 AM): :(
veeehm (5:02:37 AM): they're not in my pants
woozstah (5:02:58 AM): amen! :P

(Note: Ruth was testing to see if I was the real Tiffany)
sky0range (5:39:45 AM): is Pascal a nut? (Y/N)
woozstah (5:39:51 AM): Y!
woozstah (5:39:54 AM): lol
sky0range (5:39:58 AM): hahaha!
sky0range (5:39:59 AM): ok.
woozstah (5:40:14 AM): do i pass?
sky0range (5:40:27 AM): yes. although that was an easy question.
sky0range (5:40:42 AM): everybody knows pascal is a nut.

Currently listening to: Jars of Clay's Sinking
Current emotion: tired
Tiff. L [5:57 AM]

 
This makes me laugh, hehe.

Wanna Be A Bear???
Ever thought of being a bear? If you're a bear, you get to hibernate.You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyonewho bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your husband EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

I wish I was a bear.

roflmao.

Currently listening to: Brian McKnight's Back At One
Current emotion: tired but amused
Tiff. L [12:38 AM]

[ Saturday, November 24, 2023 ]

 
Am wondering how much longer I can last like this. Jess knocked on the wall at 3am to get me to go shut her neighbours up, and Peter Northrop called at 8 to let me know about the power outage over in North Wing. Amber came by at 10 to complain about the aforementioned noisy girls, and a half an hour later, Joyce came by 'cause she's lost her meal card and I had to issue her a temporary meal pass. Tasha came by to get the key to the vacuum, and while she was cleaning Asha stopped by to tell me that she'd ripped out the vacuum bag the day before because she'd vacuum her *censored* and had to pull it out. I couldn't help cracking up at that one, hehee. But yeah, that meant that Tasha was vacuuming without a dust bag, which means I have to clean the vacuum up, pfft.
Went downstairs to Kayla's, and she let me lie in her bed and piled 5 blankets on me so that I could get some sleep away from everything. I love this girl, hehe. Asha came by, and she was waving a Cosmo mag about. Among one of the cover stories was "99 Things to Do to A Naked Man", and for a few minutes she stood at the doorway explaining how Bernard (a friend from Ghana) has experience "being a naked man" (since he was a guy and all), and "we're all women, and have no experience being a naked man"(which I am honest to god thankful for! *makes a face*), he had so kindly "validated most of the stuff inside" for our information. Ahaaaaaaaaahahahahaha!!! I didn't stop laughing for 10 minutes, I found her so funny, roflmao.
Anyway, slept for two hours in Kayla's room (thank you so much Kayla *hug*). I woke up a couple of times to see Kayla and someone else standing over me (was to groggy to notice), with a look of rapt fascination, and I'm thinking, does she want her bed back, or does she find a Chinese girl sleeping funny? lol. Headed back to my room and got some reading done. Had dinner with Asha in OC (was abandoned by her for some guy, hmphf). Just got back; am probably gonna try and work a little bit more.

Currently listening to: LeAnn Rimes' I Need You
Currently feeling: tired but amused
Tiff. L [7:03 PM]

 
There's gonna be a power cut in a bit. Seems that the whole North wing was without power last night, and I didn't know, pfft. Whatever. So yeah, they're gonna be fixing it, which means the whole college is gonna be without electricity for a bit.

I wish.

Life can be so good, or so bad, depending on which way you want it to go. I find myself wishing over and over again for the same things, hoping against hope that everything will work out in the end. Just another fragment of the dreamer, slowly breaking as it hits the ground of reality. Shattered pieces, holding no more truth, no more dreams. It's the beginning of the end.

Currently listening to: Jessica Riddle's Even Angels Fall
Current emotion: frustrated
Tiff. L [8:29 AM]

 
Never say never. I remember that. Anyone remember Never Never Land, where Peter Pan never grew up? The Lost Boys, Wendy, Tinkerbell? I loved Tink best. She had magic, she could fly, and best of all, she was spunky *grins*

Never. Such a simple word. Never. hmm.
.
never.
never.say.never.
never.love.
never.
.
never.break.
never.take.
never.forsake.
.
never.Never.land.

Currently listening to: Flying Picket's Only You
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [3:07 AM]

[ Friday, November 23, 2023 ]

 
Sometimes I forget.

Currently listening to: Boyz II Men's I Will Get There
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [10:20 PM]

 
Woah, I finally changed my playlist, hehe. Am listening to tonnes of old songs. It's been a bad day, but whatever. Pain, pfft. 3 more weeks to Christmas break and I head to Jersey, 6 more weeks till I see Sharon, Marianne and Kai for New Year's. 5 or 6 more months before I go home for summer. 2 1/2 more years before I graduate with my BA. God. Putting time and life into perspective, blah.

Stanza of the Day:
Yet now, touch me
See and feel
The cold in me
Losing, pulling
Over the edge
Slowly
Hanging.
Spiritually
Dying.

Just another one of those...

Currently listening to: Lighthouse Family's High (live)
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [9:35 PM]

 
Just spent over an hour talking to Ruth on AIM. Am this close to a self-analyzed breakdown, but I've said that before, heh. I worry me sometimes, pfft. And I hate worrying others. So yeah, you there. Just turn around and pretend you didn't see this okay? Okay. *walks off...*

Currently listening to: 112's Anything
Current emotion: thoughtful
Tiff. L [6:08 AM]

[ Thursday, November 22, 2023 ]

 
Today is Thanksgiving in the States, a day when people join their families and loved ones and give thanks for all the good that is in their lives. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving myself, but right now I'd just like to make a little note of thanks to some very lovely people who have made my life all the more special. People who are on my side no matter what, people who make me laugh when I feel like crying. People who send a little note every once in a while to let me know that I'm in their thoughts, that they care, and that they believe in me. People who send me jokes which make me howl with laughter, with e-mails which touch me with their sincere well wishes and overwhelming love. People who send a funny song my way to make me smile, who share an online hug and embrace to remind me that life still can be of so much cheer. Loving, beautiful, thoughtful people who care so much, so well.

I am truly blessed. In the words of Edwin McCain, "I could not ask for more". *smiles*

Thank you *hugs*

Currently listening to: 112's Anything
Current emotion: thankful
Tiff. L [10:41 PM]

 
I know I was supposed to leave the last blog in its place, rants and all, but as I sit here just staring at the screen, my choice is that I refuse to take my frustration, pain and anger out on all the lovely people who frequent my blog.

Reminder to self: Painkillers are only for the weak *nods*

Currently listening to: 112's Anything
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [6:34 PM]

 
[This blog has been edited because of excessive swearing. *sigh*]

Thank you God, for sending Kayla my way to make me feel better. You always did have perfect timing Kayla *hugs*

Currently listening to: 112's Anything
Current emotion: miserable
Tiff. L [4:43 PM]

 
Slept for a little over three hours. Tired :( I think I've passed the 14 hour mark for my song, eek. The funny thing is, I edited my playlist, loaded 439 other songs and went out for lunch with Heather, only to come back over an hour later to the same song. Now what's the deal with that?? *shrug* Someone's trying to tell me something, lol.

It's just one of those days when you hate to be alive (or be a girl, pfft).

Currently listening to: 112's Anything
Current emotion: yucky
Tiff. L [1:30 PM]

 
I'm still listening to the same song for the 5th hour in a row, hehe. Obsession is an understatement. Was talking to Pascal, John and Bryan on AIM for a bit. Kira came by to talk; poor girl's getting stressed out. Kai called; just found out. Totally forgot to check my voice mail today, argh. I'll call you tomorrow Kai, and I hope you're feeling okay, cos honestly, you sure as hell didn't make much sense on the 'phone *hugs*

You know you're the epitome of stupidity when you spray leave-on conditioner on your face instead of your hair, hehee. *smacks self*

It's 4am and Jeff just came by. Silly fella is still awake (writing essay). Hrm. Don't I know it, phbt.

Currently listening to: 112's Anything
Current emotion: thoughtful
Tiff. L [4:09 AM]

[ Wednesday, November 21, 2023 ]

 
Slept for about 4 hours before heading to my Classical lit tutorial. Got picked on by the prof because I studied with him last year, but I knew the answers, so phew! :) Good thing I enjoy his classes :P Received a funny e-mail from Pascal and several "getting to know you" surveys from the girls in rez. Asha's cracked me up, because instead of studying for a mid-term scheduled for this afternoon she was filling in the survey, haha. She's a nut. Science fiction was alright, although the prof. got so caught up in tangents that not all the people who were supposed to give a presentation got to do their part. La la la. My presentation's scheduled for the week after, hrm.
Got back, read a bit of Blade Runner and napped on Eric's tummy. Had a sandwich for dinner in Asha's room, watched a bit of tv later with Kayla. Sarah L. came by with hot chocolate laced with a shot of Malibu, word. It was good, hehe. My cousin called and we talked for a bit. Am sitting in my room listening to 112 on repeat, yay! Have to get more work done soon, bleh.

Quote of the Day:
Wish somebody tell me hurry up and tell me what love is all about... - 112's Anything

(NB: Nothing significant *phbt* I just love the chorus, and these words stay in my mind and sooth the soul :) )

Currently listening to: 112's Anything
Current emotion: stressed (with work)
Tiff. L [10:43 PM]

 
My blog is back, wee..!! *twirls around in happiness* Some of you might notice that the url's changed to .com/woozie, instead of ~woozie. :) Thanks so much sooks *hugs*

Currently listening to: UVA Hullabahoo's cover of Breathe's Raise Your Hands To Heaven
Current emotion: tired
Tiff. L [2:13 PM]

 
Was checking my mail, and as usual ,when I log off it automatically switches to MSN News or some nonsense like that. Headlines for the day: the passing of the King back home. I was dumbfounded, because just this morning I was reading the news which said that he'd returned from some hospital and was in stable condition. Didn't think it would happen, but it did. Man. The whole country's in mourning now, and like all big news which happens in the world, I feel kinda disconnected, being here on campus. It's kinda sad, cos he was also the Sultan of Selangor (the state where I live), and his children are friends and customers of my parents. They used to order these slippers for him; they were red and yellow (colours of the State) and I used to think they were funny looking...

...

Currently listening to: Fuel's Shimmer
Current emotion: weird
Tiff. L [3:59 AM]

[ Tuesday, November 20, 2023 ]

 
Discovery of the Week:
Eric Bear's tummy makes an amazing pillow ;)

Thought of the Day:
Pain will cease over time, but daily trangressions open old wounds, and memory hurts like hell.

Stanza of the Day:
Painkillers are only for the weak
Havoc in mind does hurt wreak
And yet in life so short we still seek
Eternal bliss and love�s peak.

Quote of the Day:
Count no mortal happy till he has passed the final limit of his life secure from pain - Sophocle's Oedipus Rex

Currently listening to: Flying Picket's Something Inside So Strong
Current emotion: thoughtful
Tiff. L [9:48 PM]

 
I miss my blog *sobs* not even 24 hours and I can barely stand it. The good thing is I get to keep posting (not like anyone will read it) but ANYway. Was at my desk hugging Eric Bear and I fell asleep on him *yawns* He's got a nice tummy to sleep on, lol. Yeahyeah, I've got nothing better to do with my time than talk about my bear. pfft. My bear kicks ass,and if you have issues with that we'll take it outside :P
I never realized how many people read my blogs till it went down. Suddenly, I was getting notes and messages asking what happened. Was also stopped by friends who live in rez with me about it, haha. And to think I thought the only people reading it were sooks, Heather and Kayla *grins* I feel funny now. Maybe I should quit being so public about my thoughts, lol.
For once I actually had a good mail day; card from Heather (thank you *hug*) and a package from Sharon; I have a new touqe! Thank you Sharon, I love it :) Hehee. Actually, I love any kinda mail, so long as it's not bills or junk, blek. Which reminds me, still haven't called mom about Bunny yet...
I've been listening to some R & B stuff for the past two nights or so. 112 kicks ass. Am gonna go get some work done now.

Stanza of the Day:
That single tear about to fall
In one drop carries pain, maybe all
the hurt,
the disappointments,
but on the road
Keep walking, maybe in the end there'll be something good.

Currently listening to: Jon B's Someone to Love
Current emotion: okay
Tiff. L [5:24 AM]

[ Monday, November 19, 2023 ]

 
Here's Di's poem as promised. You're published Di! *grins*

I cannot give you flowers,
I've no money and I'm not a boy.
I cannot buy you chocolates,
With a kinder surprise toy.
I will not parade around naked,
For that would just be wrong
While you cower in the corner
To a now hated Desert Rose song.
But I can offer you best wishes
And draw a cake or two,
To wish you the best birthday
That can only be for you.

lol. "now hated Desert Rose song", roflmao. Thanks for sending this Kayla. Refer to post dated 15/11/01 to understand :)

Currently listening to: Lionel Ritchie's Do It To Me One More Time
Current emotion: amused
Tiff. L [6:00 PM]

 
I slept through all my classes today, haha *smacks self* Am gonna beg for an extension laters. So much for being a role model, eh Asha? :P And to think you wanted to highlight that part!

Pascal: Thank you for everything, especially for sitting up with me till 7-ish :) *hugs*

Currently listening to: Boyz II Men's I Will Get There
Current emotion: guilty

Tiff. L [4:02 PM]

 
My essay is going nowhere.

Freak, I didn't need to know. Well, maybe I did, but I didn't want to. Why? God, why do this to yourself? *shakes head*

Too many thoughts running through my mind.

P/S: Thanks John.

Currently listening to: 3T's Didn't Mean To Hurt You
Current emotion: .
Tiff. L [5:07 AM]

 
You're special *hugs you tight*

Currently listening to: Eternal's Angel of Mine
Current emotion: quiet
Tiff. L [1:10 AM]

[ Sunday, November 18, 2023 ]

 
Another one of those nights where I work on a paper which is due in 12 hours. I usually pull it off pretty well, but right now my mind and heart's not in it. Still feeling a tad sad, but as I always say, things will look up. Can't really believe how quickly time has gone by. It finally hit me that I'll be 21 next year, and that thought scares me, because sometimes I feel as if the direction I'm heading is simply a stubborn whim and path chosen by a belligerent 12 year old who refuses to admit that she was wrong somewhere along the way. Thinking back, a lot of my decisions in life now were made back when I was 12, including the hare-brained scheme of getting my PHD and teaching in a university. My conclusion is that I'm either a) ridiculously mature and determined at that tender age, or b) bloody stubborn. I'm going with stubborn right now, heh.

Currently listening to: Savage Garden's I Want You (remix)
Current emotion: thoughtful
Tiff. L [9:05 PM]

 
Triggered Memory of the Day:
I was in Asha's room, and we were just talking when Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply came on. In my mind's eye, I could see myself, Diana and a whole bunch of other people in a local mall back home. It was our favourite hangout, and there was a huge gathering of friends that day. It was June '97, and we were in a music store. Steven bought Di and I a CD single each as a birthday present; I can't remember what she chose, but I picked out Savage Garden. I just loved that song.
2 months later, Steven passed away in a car accident. It's been a little over 4 years, but I still remember the funeral, the disbelief, Karen's face, the people who cared. I still remember the tears, the hugs. I still remember.
Rest in peace Steve.

Currently listening to: Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply
Current emotion: sad
Tiff. L [5:40 PM]

 
I feel frozen, and chills still run through me. Can't feel my toes, lol.Probably mild frostbite, but it was worth it, just to see the meteor showers and the partial sunrise. I say partial because I'd reached the stage where I was just numb to everything and had to come down around 6.30am.
A whole bunch of us went up the drumlin at 4; it was steep climb which took about 10 minutes. It was a wonderfully clear night, and I can't describe the awe and sadness as each sharp burst of light quickly faded to nothing. Kira felt sick after the climb, so I walked her back before going up again to be with the others. Everyone left by 5, but I stuck around, savouring the quiet, anticipating a gorgeous sunrise. Harvey offered to stay back and accompany me because he felt it was dangerous for me to be up there by myself in the dark, but it was something I felt that I had to do on my own, so he left with Heather and Anne. Thank you Harvey, but I just needed time to sit and reflect. I truly did appreciate your offer though :)
Lines and lines of poetry and words from songs (Miracle and Somewhere Out There come quickly to mind) ran through my thoughts that hour or so; surrounded by absolute silence, the chill did not hit me till I heard the first chirping of the birds and the sky started to lighten. Even as I type this the day brightens a little more, but the fog which came in a little over 6 greatly diminishes the light and sight. Guess I'll have to pick a clear morning to climb the drumlin again. So close, yet no closer. I'm not disappointed though, because just seeing the sky lighten, without the presence of the sun, was beauty in itself. Dawn is truly an amazing sight :)

I have a splitting headache.

Currently listening to: David Usher's Black Black Heart
Current emotion: numb yet awed
Tiff. L [6:59 AM]

[ Saturday, November 17, 2023 ]

 
Just spent the last 5 minutes walking up and down South wing screaming Roger's name. In other words, I was loud :D Am gonna watch Shrek with Kira in a bit. I don't wanna write my essay *sulks*

Currently listening to: Ace of Base's Young and Proud
Current emotion: cheeky :P
Tiff. L [10:27 PM]

 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY *hugs and kisses* I called him yesterday (13 hour time difference) and we spoke for a bit before mom took over the phone. Spent 25 minutes persuading and reassuring her that I was not going to contract Anthrax just by being in the States, that Peterborough was the last place to be hit by a bomb, that everything was "perfect" in school and that Audrey, Colin and myself were old enough to take care of ourselves, and that we needed to make mistakes so as to learn from them. I heard dad laughing in the background, heh. Moms *shakes head*
Was talking to John on AIM for the longest time last night. He's hilarious, hehe. Finally went to bed when the sun came up. Spent the afternoon talking to Kira before heading to OC with her and Sarah L. Spent an hour in the library to get my research stuff, hah! Did some reading before hunting Jeff down to get him to scan some documents. Sharon called from PEI and we had a blast making plans for our road trip in December. My cousin in Jersey called immediately after that and we spent 10 minutes just yakking away. Received a lovely e-mail from Anne about friends. Am gonna go look for Heather so that I can procrastinate some more.

Currently listening to: Chemical Brothers' Let Forever Be
Current emotion: okay
Tiff. L [8:59 PM]

[ Friday, November 16, 2023 ]

 
Heather and Becca visited and I updated my About page (again!). Am wrapped in my fuzzy blue bathrobe and wearing my fuzzy blue slippers, lol. Pub night? Don't feel like going, so I'm not gonna. Sharon called and left a message, so I'll be calling her back in a bit. She sounds happy, which is a very good sign :) Am afraid to go to bed *phbt*

Stanza of the Day:
While dark thoughts cloud your mind
And tears blind your heart
Out of this pain, salvation you find
No more will hurt around you bind.

Currently listening to: Cher's Walking in Memphis
Current emotion: wrapped in fuzziness :P
Tiff. L [11:29 PM]

 
Who'd have thought that childhood nightmares would come back to haunt me after all these years? I guess some things you just never get over. Sarah's thinking of getting her psych-major bf to cross-analyze me, lol. I'm a science project now!
Went to bed around six-ish am, woke up a few times in between because of aforementioned nightmare. All I can remember is fear trickling down my spine *phbt*. Prof. Kruger, the college principal, called at 11 to get me to help move the patio furniture, hmm. Definitely something not in the job description, but whatever. Did that and went for lunch with Becca, Heather and Miranda. Talked to sooks and Wai Wai for a bit before trying to get a bit more sleep. People kept coming by, so that wasn't a very successful nap. Am almost afraid to close my eyes now, bleh.
Got some reading done, and had planned to head to the library to get some books for my essay, only to find out that it closed early Friday nights. I know I know, who the hell in their right minds would work on a Friday night, but c'mon, who said everyone had to have a social life? lol. I am so sad, hehe. But yeah, library was closed. Stopped by Catherine's to grab some notes and had a chat with her about...stuff. Seems that pub night's on and I'm supposed to show up because I've missed the last 4/5 openings, blah. Whatever. *shakes head*

Currently listening to: Eve 6's Beautiful Oblivion
Current emotion: blah

Tiff. L [6:02 PM]

[ Thursday, November 15, 2023 ]

 
Triggered Memory of the Day:
Was in Kayla's room, and I saw a poem Di wrote for her and started laughing my ass off.
Almost exactly a year ago from today, it was Kayla's birthday that week. Friday night came about, and the pub downstairs was open. Catherine and Jenn decided that for Kayla's 19th birthday they should get her a stripper. They persuaded a friend (who shall remain nameless) to do it. He came by around 1-ish, completely plastered, into a room full of girls. You'd have thought that would've stopped him, but noooo, he went right at it. The song? Sting's Desert Rose, ahaahahahaha. I've never listened to that song the same way ever since, roflmao. Will post the poem here laters :D Anyway, Catherine took pictures, he never went all the way, and Kayla and I were trying hard to squeeze into a corner of the bed away from him. A year later, it still cracks me up to think about it, hahaha.

Mm, Chris is here and he baked a chocolate cake for Kayla. Yum! :)

Currently listening to: Pearl Jam's Better Man
Current emotion: Chocolate high!
Tiff. L [9:41 PM]

 
I knew I should have called mom last night, but noooooo, I decided to wait it out and call dad on his birthday instead. So yeah, guess who decides to give her daughter a wake up call around 7-ish in the morning hmm? and to think I went to bed around 5, bleh. I need to stop having these nightmares as I wake up feeling worse than I did before I went to bed. So anyway, mom was wondering for the 1,543,675th time why I didn't call (yet again). Why? Simply because I have nothing "good" to tell her, so I'd rather not say anything at all. And I'm still coughing, so I don't want to deal with the naggings right now. I'm sorry mom, I know it's my fault, but please, give me a break. And don't keep telling me that dad's the one feeling neglected, cos if it were true, he'd be the one calling. I do not need a guilt trip on top of everything.
The college office called around 11 but I didn't go downstairs till almost 2. They have work for me to do, la la la. The good news of the day is that Shean Min made it to Gippsland, word! CONGRATULATIONS SHEAN MIN *hug* Here's hoping that Norman got in too. Shao Yi I'm not too worried about, cos she's a shoo-in. Am really happy for my friends, with the exception of the fact that it's gonna be one helluva lonely summer in Malaysia come May '02 :( sooks is probably leaving in February so I won't have her either. *sobs* I'm turning 21 with no friends around. How sucky is THAT going to be?! Hrm. Maybe I should spend my 21st birthday here in .ca :D Ah well. We move on. Hopefully I can pull a deal with my parents and make it to Melbourne for a visit. Practically all my buddies are there now.
Other news in the fray: managed to change my return date from the 5th to the 29th of December, which means I get to see Sharon, Kai and Marianne and celebrate New Year's with them, word! :) It cost me quite a bit, but it was still cheaper than changing the whole ticket altogether, cos it seems that prices have doubled over the last few months. Lucky me for booking my ticket in March! :)

Song of the moment: Collective Soul's Listen
Current emotion: happy
Tiff. L [4:41 PM]

[ Wednesday, November 14, 2023 ]

 
Reminder to self: Daddy's birthday's coming up (17th November). Too late to buy card. Don't forget to call.
Tiff. L [10:19 PM]

 
I love my fuzzy blue slippers. Had a god-awful nightmare this morning and woke up at 4.30am. Science fiction is cool, but I have another assigment coz of it, bah. Kayla gave me monkey bread. And we had dinner at the Red Lobster. Jenn, Kayla and I stopped by Animalia (some pet store) before dinner, and I just realized how much reptiles made my skin crawl. I'm not impressed by scorpions or snakes. Fish are bloody expensive in Canada :P Toques are great for bad hair days. I'm rambling in broken fragments of words and thought. Think I'll go have a shower now.

Quote of the Day:
God put me on earth to achieve a certain amount of tasks. Right now I'm so far behind I'm never going to die! - Bill Watterson

Song of the moment: Gloria Estefan's Reach
Current emotion: Smile-y
Tiff. L [9:06 PM]

 
It's Kayla's birthday, word! Happy Birthday Kayla *hugs* We're heading to the Red Lobster for seafood tonight, yum. Just received another assignment on top of those which I already have. Peter Northrop thinks we should have a dons meeting cos he hasn't seen me much (oops...). Helped Kris and Nessa prepare for the party they're throwing for a friend. I just got fooled by sooks *SLAP* I feel very stripped of secrets now :P sooks, you will take that information to your GRAVE. Or I will dig that grave for you otherwise.capic�? Excuse me while my conscience berates me of my stupidity.

Thought/Rant of the Day:
Meeting expectations. Who the f@$& came up with expectations in the first place huh? I just realized that with my attitude, I will never be happy till I get a perfect grade. Which is impossible, so... *slaps forehead* Having been brought up to never be satisfied with what I have when it comes to grades, every B I get deems me a failure, every C considerable as a reason to drop out of school. 15 years of living in this system of thought makes accepting bad grades a toughie. Screwing up majorly in high school was different, because I was in my rebellious stage then, and I honestly didn't care much for what I was studying. In college (which I cared very much about), one of my lecturers told me I would never be more than an A- student at most, and that hurt. I had an 82% average and was on the Honours list when I left college. And I thought that was a sucky grade. I consoled myself with the fact that I left with a lot of good memories and ever better friends, but the grade thing still hung at the back of my mind. In university, receiving my very first C+ here made me want to pack my bags and leave. I broke down after Christmas break last year because of grades, hah. I had a B/B+ average. And I still broke down. It was ugly *nods* Over summer, I made bets with sooks over whether I would lose of keep my scholarship. I did get to keep it, but even that did not lift the feeling of despondency over my CGPA.
I tell others that university is so much more than grades, and while I honestly believe in that ideal, the thought of telling my parents I got anything less than a 75% makes me cringe. I should shoot myself, lol. However, I do hope I'm better at coping now. Getting a bad grade does not make me a worthless person. It just means I'm learning another lesson in life. But man it's a tough lesson. My advice to you? Never ever let a grade be the final measure of your worth.

I think I'll go get some super glue and bricks and repair this hole in my wall of cynicism now.

Currently listening to: Debbie Gibson & Chris Cuevas's Someday
Current emotion: vulnerable
Tiff. L [4:49 PM]

[ Tuesday, November 13, 2023 ]

 
Hah, I've got mail :) Thankies for the card Heather, definitely something to pick up the day *hugs* Class? What class? :P It's Kayla's birthday tomorrow, la la la. My mind's all over the place. Work work work. Lack of sleep makes one act funny. I have my trademark circles under the eyes now. It's been a rough month. Spoke to Pascal for quite a bit between work yesterday. Rather interesting conversation which ended abruptly, that. Had a blast talking to sooks and Wai Wai (Ricky, hehe. He's got a new pet name :P) last night till 5am while trying to write my paper for English 205. Poor guy got bombarded with teasing. Between me and sooks, he never stood a chance. Girls 1, Wai Wai nil.
Just finished watching the 200th episode of Frasier in Kayla's room. It's Fuchsia Toque And Fuzzy Blue Slippers Day for me.

Mm, my room smells of strawberries and cream :)

Thought of the Day:
Ever wonder why you worry? It's not as if there's even a point in doing so, is there? And yet, you still worry anyways. *shakes head*

Stanza of the Day:
It's the skin deep smile
Which hides the hurt and pain
But know that you suffer not in vain
soon you'll be right as rain
Feeling, loving all over again.

Currently listening to: Def Leppard's Two Steps Behind
Current emotion: s'okay
Tiff. L [10:07 PM]

 
Screaming, calling
in pain
Falling.
No more
What for?
Locked doors.
Dull roar
in my head
Curled
on my bed
Tears
on my face
Pain
Source: no trace
Frustration
can't lose
Feelings
Can't choose
Still there
Hurt shared
but where
why care
Can't let go
I don't know
Rambling on
Inside: forlorn
You I help
but my spirit torn
There for you
till the end
Always know
I'll hold your hand
No more tears
You are free
but you forget
What about me?

Currently listening to: Wilson Phillips' Hold On
Current emotion: tired and worried
Tiff. L [6:46 AM]

 
...

Quotes of the Day:
Life's a bitch and then you die - Ian Storey, Mythology prof.
Don't rock the boat or you'll go to hell - Veronica Hollinger, Theatre prof.

I have such cool professors.

Currently listening to: Aerosmith's Pink (Acoustic)
Current emotion: worried
Tiff. L [3:32 AM]

[ Monday, November 12, 2023 ]

 
It's snowing outside, so I dressed warmly and sat in the quad, accompanied only by the slightly eerie glow of the safety lights surrounding me. It's cold out.

Snowing.
Snowfall, snowflakes
Gentle breaks
Unique in each's own way
Time to think, to ponder another day
So cold, but still I stay
Only thought: Come what may
Footsteps, footprints on the snow
My words on paper, quickly they flow
Running chill up my spine
Path of life I walk out of line
Falling, falling, quickly they come
But warm thoughts through me flow like rum
Maybe, possibly, hopefully some.
Too cold to write, but still I stay
Still searching for my miracle:
Somehow, someday.

-tlyp; 1.49am

Currently listening to: Incubus's I Miss You (acoustic)
Current emotion: thoughtful
Tiff. L [2:04 AM]

 
Thought of the Day:
One day, someone will look at my hands and say, "Your hands are very old". When I look down and see my wrinkled hands, they will have been that way for many years. They will have carassed many fevered heads, and nursed many back to health. They will have taught children not only the basics of reading and writing, but also life. They will have spoken to those who could not hear my voice, touched people who could not see my face, and held those who could not understand how I was feeling. These hands will have done my work, the only work I have ever wanted to do--to help and hold. And when they are done, they will relax and take a long, deserved vacation. These hands will have been great. And it won't matter that they were wrinkled.
If that's just my hands, imagine what the rest of me can do.

-Kristina Bradstreet
Tiff. L [1:00 AM]

[ Sunday, November 11, 2023 ]

 
Love and faith.
Good, not bad.
Hang in there.
Recited like a litany.
Someday I'll believe.

For Kayla and Sarah H. who keep me sane *hugs* I love you girls.

Currently listening to: Joan Jett's Bad Reputation
Current emotion: mixed
Tiff. L [7:29 PM]

 
Blasted phone woke me up, and the first thing I hear is Asha swearing her head off (I think it was something along the lines of "some motherf***ker #$^$&$&..."). mmf. Not something I want to happen too often, heh.

*gets interrupted mid-blog*

Yeah, one of my girls just left. And this is exactly what I mean when I say that when something good happens, just as I'm savouring the moment, something worse turns up. How exactly am I suppose to keep on top of things? How exactly am I suppose to stay positive, and happy, and all that shit, when I don't even get a chance to sit down and enjoy it? She wants to move out. Fine. Then she starts guilt-tripping me about not making sure the section is quiet enough for her to sleep. In the name of #$^@, I am not here to patrol the halls to make sure everyone shuts the $^$# up. It's so frustrating, because when I re-read my blogs, I hate all the whiny bullshit I post up here. Like, holy shit, get over it or something. I was so prepared to write good stuff, the happy stuff, when this happens. Dammits.

5 minutes ago I was happy and relaxed. Had a good talk with Sharon (thank you), got some work done, had dinner with Kayla. Came back feeling that yeah, life's still good. Then I get bitch-slapped. Thanks. Nice to know that I have such lovely people surrounding me [/sarcasm]

Oh, and did I forget to mention? Someone tried to commit suicide this afternoon.

If there's someone out there who has a good dose of love and faith, strength, patience and sanity to spare, contact me. Please. 'cause right now, I'm completely drained.

Currently listening to: Everclear's AM Radio
Current emotion: mixed
Tiff. L [6:38 PM]

 
Just finished reading Chicken Soup for The Soul II. With all the little pains in life, there is still beauty to be found. (geez, talk about a roller coaster ride, heh). I really do need time to sit down, away from everything, and talk. Clear all of this bad stuff out, remember the better parts. Sometimes I feel that the bad almost always outweights the good. And when I say talk, like, I mean, seriously, get all this crap out of the way. And not with someone at Trent either, because of all the stupid confidential shit I had to sign at the beginning of the year. But who to talk to? Ho hum. I miss talking to Bunny. Wish I didn't leave him back home. Talking to Eric just isn't the same. But over and above all this, methinks losing the conscience would make things a whole lot simpler. Wonder if mom will mail me Bunny if I ask her real nice...

It's 5.35am. I should get some sleep.

Quote of the Day:
True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. - Baltasar Gracian

Currently listening to: Keith Martin's Never Find Someone Like You
Current emotion: better
Tiff. L [5:35 AM]

 
Another one of those days when you just want to throw your hands in the air and say "I give up". Lain kali ha, mesti "blog" dalam Bahasa Melayu supaya orang putih ni semua tak faham tau. Yang paling sial, BM saya pun dah mampus, amacam nak cakap apa you sebenarnya saya nak cakap?! Sendiri punya "grammar" pun tak tau betul atau tidak. Sial betul ni. Phew. Even that took a lot of effort, blah.
Self-censorship is another issue I'm having a hard time dealing with right now. Having to watch what I say and write because I have to think about the people who read this. Having to think about people's feelings all the time. You're right sooks; I should just get rid of the conscience. Life would be so much easier without it. Yada yada yada. Somebody shoot me, like, right now. It took me bloody 2 hours to get my journal in deviantART up, because I kept censoring myself. Ended up writing like, 3 poems, which is a lot, considering that there are times when it takes me over a month to get something down.

I am broken now. I hope you're happy.

Stanza of the Day:
A balance of both for self: sustain
thought in others, truth remain
the person you see
the person you be
versus the person I am
In life be blessed and damned.

Currently listening to: Aerosmith's Jaded
Current emotion: frustrated

Tiff. L [2:19 AM]

[ Friday, November 09, 2023 ]

 
Didn't/couldn't sleep till 6-ish am. The alarm woke me up at 10, people at the door woke me up between then and 12 and Alice called at 12.30. Spoke to her for a long while. Erica and Jenn showed up with a problem which took me quite a while to fix and worried me unnecessarily, so I was not happy about that. I'm only glad that it got sorted out in the end. Headed downtown with Erica, Peter and Allan to the Sexual Health Clinic to pick up the condoms (about a hundred pieces) and some huge store where they sold stuff in bulk for really cheap prices. Got back and realized I hadn't eaten, so Kayla and I headed to OC for dinner after watching The Simpsons :) We spent almost an hour just chatting and gossiping, hehe. Girl stuff, yay! Am reading the sequel to Chicken Soup for The Teenage Soul. Watched Shrek with Kayla; I love that movie :) Eddie Murphy just kicks ass, no?

Stanza of the Day:
For the person
who takes others' pain
for his own
may he remain
blessed be
loved
appreciated;
honoured is he.

Quote of the Day:
Yeah, OC houses the party people, CC the drunks and jocks, and LEC the snobs and brains. We got the best deal! - Kayla

Currently listening to: Smashmouth's I'm a Believer
Current emotion: amused
Tiff. L [10:39 PM]

 
It's been a good good day :) Woke up to find out that I got Daily Poem for Absolute. Thankies Ruth *hug* I met up with Professor Hollinger in the afternoon, and she has agreed to let me work on my paper and re-submit it. Got caught in the rain downtown, but it don't matter. Bought two new toques; a fuchsia one and a blue one. Oh yeah, I bought a pair of fuzzy blue slippers too, yay! Wore my slippers all day; they cheer me up immensely, and are so comfy too. The Sexual Health Clinic called; condoms (for my college dammits! stop smirking!! *slaps you* :P) are ready to be picked up, w00t! Now if they say I have no initiative I'm gonna shove that box of condoms up their @$...noses (hehe). Had dinner in my room, finished reading Chicken Soup for The Teenage Soul (such a good book) and spoke to Ricky for a while on AIM. He never fails to make me laugh, lol. Visited Roger and was looking through his Maxim mags and found an Absolut ad which I was drooling over online, and can you believe it he ripped it out for ME! (well, it took quite a bit of begging but he did it in the end) and I'm so so soooo grateful Ra Ra *big big hugs* Yeah, I hugged him so hard he was squealing for me to let go, lol. I can now add Absolut Clich� to my collection, word! (And yes, I actually scouted the site and checked that it was on Maxim before heading to Roger's to leaf through his collection *cheeky grin*). Am talking to sooks and Andreas on ICQ now.

Stanza of the Day:
Your compassion
paints the sky
An azure blue
Colours of the rainbow
Every hue
Loving, calming
Honestly true
Amazing is this person
being you.

Thought/Quote of the Day:
Kindness in words create confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. - Lao-tzu

Link of the Day: Absolut Collectors

Currently listening to: Annie Lennox's Walking On Broken Glass
Current emotion: chirpy

Tiff. L [3:56 AM]

[ Thursday, November 08, 2023 ]

 
Ah, spoke to one of the coordinators at the Counselling and Careers office today; got some stuff sorted for my girls. Science fiction tutorial was not too bad; received my quiz back and did better than I thought (i.e. did not fail it). Forgot about lunch, had dinner with Miranda and Asha in the LEC dining hall. Chatted with Allison, Kira, Terri and Courtney for a bit before doing some reading. Spent the rest of the night online and stuff. Downloaded some songs by Jewel. Mark came by to talk around 2am, and I went by to see Roger at 3. Am very tired now, but my mind is wide awake. Am going to go read Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul.

Currently listening to: Jesse Powell's If I
Current emotion: okay
Tiff. L [3:55 AM]

[ Wednesday, November 07, 2023 ]

 
I called Shean Min to see how he was doing. Am crossing my fingers that he'll get accepted to Monash U in Gippsland, ditto for Norman and Shao Yi. Spoke to Kai for a bit; we're thinking of heading to Montr�al over Christmas, but I'll be in Jersey by then, so we need a plan. And sooks wants to know if I'll head over to Melbourne with her the coming summer. If I can get good grades this year and persuade my parents, hell yeah :)

Am listening to a bunch of old tracks from the mid- to late nineties. Brings back lotsa memories of high school and stuff.

Currently listening to: Duncan Sheik's Barely Breathing
Current emotion: Sleepy
Tiff. L [3:42 AM]

 
*scratches head* I can't for the life of me remember where the day has gone.

Currently listening to: Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want
Current emotion: bemused
Tiff. L [1:04 AM]

[ Monday, November 05, 2023 ]

 
Just another long day at school. I didn't sleep till amost 3 and was up by 9. Almost fell asleep in two lectures. We talked about Christopher Marlowe today, it was interesting. My theatre professor is hilarious, hehe. Watched productions of Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice and Marlowe's Dr. Faustus. I fell in love with that book (Faustus) all over again; the production's fantastic. Mm, to explore the dark side, hehe. Am hoping to loan the production video from my professor sometime soon. I have two 3,000 word essays due in two weeks' time, and there are lots of little things happening around as well. I get tired just thinking about it :P Had lunch with Catherine in a small diner near Traill College; pretty nice stuff they have there. Anyway, am off to get some reading done for 205 tomorrow.

Quote of the Day:
I always imagine Marlowe as this sexy queer guy...Shakespeare holds no appeal because he grew old and bald and all that... - Veronica Hollinger, Cultural Studies prof.
(Ed. note: Marlowe died in his early thirties in a bar brawl, hence the "mysterious aura", rofl. And yeah, my sentiments exactly *grins*)

Currently listening to: Uncle Kraker's Follow Me
Current emotion: tired
Tiff. L [7:22 PM]

[ Sunday, November 04, 2023 ]

 
Didn't go to bed till almost 3 last night. Called home and spoke to mom and dad for a bit. Kai 'phoned around 1am and we talked; it was good to hear from him. One of my girls came up in tears and I spent a good hour convincing her that everything was going to be ok. Woke up at 6 and thought it was 10 (??). Realized my mistake and went back to bed, only to have my cousin call from Jersey not too long after. The phone calls just kept coming in till I gave up trying to sleep at all. Wrote another poem (remember that challenge Ricky gave me last week?) while talking to him and sooks on AIM. Oh yeah, and fluxx, a friend from devart, found inspiration in Absolute and Brett's Mechanical Joy and drew this [link]. I'm hoping to buy it from him when it's done (fluxx is going to get it printed; should cost me around US40 I think).Totally forgot to eat till 4, but because of the student dons' dinner downtown I just had a yogurt and chips, yay me. Visited Kristina, spoke to Sarah H. and got some reading done. Dinner was at Twilight, a place which serves Cajun, and it was good. Got back around 8. Jeff came by to chat for a bit, and Kira and Jess are back from their weekend away. I think I'll go read Dr. Faustus now.

Currently listening to: S Club 7's Never Had A Dream Come True
Current emotion: so-so
Tiff. L [9:52 PM]

[ Saturday, November 03, 2023 ]

 
Wrote a new poem last night while waiting to do lock-up. I called it Absolute; maybe because I had spent a good amount of my time checking out Absolut ads online :) *sigh*
Spent most of the day by myself. Heather's nephew Drew is visiting, so I headed downstairs to play Cluedo and whatnot for a few hours. Sunday and Jenn came by to chat for a bit before they left to do their work. Am stuck for words again.

Currently listening to: Indecent Obsession's Lady Rain
Current emotion: Disconnected
Tiff. L [9:35 PM]

 
Went to bed around 3, and something woke me up earlier. Reconnected my computer (the connection dropped last night), replied a message and now I can't go back to sleep. Bleh. The only good thing out of all this is that I got to see the sun rise this morning through my window. I really do have to catch it from the drumlin before it starts to snow :P

Song of the moment: James Ingram & Linda Ronstadt's Somewhere Out There
Current emotion: Sleepy
Tiff. L [6:55 AM]

[ Friday, November 02, 2023 ]

 
Stanzas of the Day:
Absolute emotion, absolute pain.
Absolute tears, falling like rain.
Absolute rants, no more to gain.
Absolute person, sometimes inane.

Dark days, dark thoughts
Mind paints black memories wrought
But see a glimmer at the bend
Perhaps, maybe, don't know, the end.

Tiff. L [8:50 PM]

 
Spent the day reading in my room. Took off sometime in the afternoon and headed to Health Services to see if I could get some condoms (yes condoms! I can see you laughing! *smacks you*) for rez, but the school's being cheap this year, so no luck. Called the Sexual Health Clinic downtown; hopefully they'll give the college some as none of the dons have any. 'sides, I think it makes sense to have them available for the students. Hehe, I call this initiative :P Oh yeah, stopped by the bookstore to see if I could get another toque, but damn are they ugly :P Gotta find me a super colourful one...
Had a sudden urge to clean my room and rearrange my furniture again. Methinks this is the 4th time I've done it in the last 2 months. Like baking, rearranging my stuff usually makes me feel better (something about obsessive compulsive/controlling behaviour *shrug*). Everyone's going out to party tonight, but I'm not in the mood. The college pub's open too, but somehow alcohol just holds no appeal right now. Am feeling shitty enough without the added depressant, hehe. Have an hour to kill before trick or treating starts, la la lil la. My room looks cool now. Knowing me, it'll stay this way for a couple of weeks before I switch again. *looks at watch* I'm bored. Should work, but don't wanna. somebody talk to me :P

Joke of the Day: <link>

Song of the moment: Texas's Say What You Want
Current emotion: Bored
Tiff. L [8:03 PM]

[ Thursday, November 01, 2023 ]

 
I forgot to mention my obsession with toques, hehe. I wore mine alllllll dayyyyy longgggg! *grins cheekily* Methinks I'm gonna buy a few more for variety's sake. Looky, me in my toque!


I lub my toque! :)
Tiff. L [11:44 PM]

 
I have 10 minutes to kill before I walk over to make sure the girls next door shut up, come back, change and get some sleep. Distributed peanut butter fudge today. Had dinner with Sarah H. and Faye; Sarah's not feeling well :( Am rather mad with my floor reps, cos they're not doing their jobs *growls* Went for the Interact session in the Pit; it went for over two hours, and I was so fidgety by then I left. Did lock-up, spent a couple of minutes talking to Roger and Allan. I still have 5 minutes to kill. Ho hum.

Just received this in the mail from Anne, hehee.

INTERESTING THOUGHT
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen- had to be a girl. We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

ahahahahaha.

Stanza of the Day:
A lovely friend
Someone godsend
Heart of gold
Beauty untold

I wrote that for Ruth, hehe.

Song of the moment: Chicago's I Remember The Feeling
Current emotion: woozy
Tiff. L [11:40 PM]

 
Damn, almost forgot. Reminder to self: Attend Interact session tonight.
Tiff. L [1:28 PM]

 
I want this!!! [link]

Hee hee.

Woke up around 10 and was online since. Spoke for a while with Andreas and traded notes with Pascal. Had a good talk with sooks and Shean Min. Found 6 carved pumpkins outside my hallway, yikes. Have to figure out who left em there. Jess loaned me a book which she swears will cheer me up. It's by Robert Munsch; he's a North American children's lit writer. Genevieve came by to chat for a bit; I have to get Cliff to fix the washing machines down the hall, ho hum.

Song of the moment: Chicago's Hard Habit To Break
Current emotion: Comfy
Tiff. L [1:19 PM]

 
Darude's gonna be playing at Flux on November 2nd, and I won't be there. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :(
Tiff. L [1:54 AM]


 
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