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It's Kayla's birthday, word! Happy Birthday Kayla *hugs* We're heading to the Red Lobster for seafood tonight, yum. Just received another assignment on top of those which I already have. Peter Northrop thinks we should have a dons meeting cos he hasn't seen me much (oops...). Helped Kris and Nessa prepare for the party they're throwing for a friend. I just got fooled by sooks *SLAP* I feel very stripped of secrets now :P sooks, you will take that information to your GRAVE. Or I will dig that grave for you otherwise.capicé? Excuse me while my conscience berates me of my stupidity.
Thought/Rant of the Day:
Meeting expectations. Who the f@$& came up with expectations in the first place huh? I just realized that with my attitude, I will never be happy till I get a perfect grade. Which is impossible, so... *slaps forehead* Having been brought up to never be satisfied with what I have when it comes to grades, every B I get deems me a failure, every C considerable as a reason to drop out of school. 15 years of living in this system of thought makes accepting bad grades a toughie. Screwing up majorly in high school was different, because I was in my rebellious stage then, and I honestly didn't care much for what I was studying. In college (which I cared very much about), one of my lecturers told me I would never be more than an A- student at most, and that hurt. I had an 82% average and was on the Honours list when I left college. And I thought that was a sucky grade. I consoled myself with the fact that I left with a lot of good memories and ever better friends, but the grade thing still hung at the back of my mind. In university, receiving my very first C+ here made me want to pack my bags and leave. I broke down after Christmas break last year because of grades, hah. I had a B/B+ average. And I still broke down. It was ugly *nods* Over summer, I made bets with sooks over whether I would lose of keep my scholarship. I did get to keep it, but even that did not lift the feeling of despondency over my CGPA.
I tell others that university is so much more than grades, and while I honestly believe in that ideal, the thought of telling my parents I got anything less than a 75% makes me cringe. I should shoot myself, lol. However, I do hope I'm better at coping now. Getting a bad grade does not make me a worthless person. It just means I'm learning another lesson in life. But man it's a tough lesson. My advice to you? Never ever let a grade be the final measure of your worth.
I think I'll go get some super glue and bricks and repair this hole in my wall of cynicism now.
Currently listening to: Debbie Gibson & Chris Cuevas's Someday
Current emotion: vulnerable