So yeah, that took way more effort than it looks, but it'll be worth it just to see some confused faces, and those who shake their heads at my atrocious use of our national language. Sorrylah, it's been many years okay :P

And thanks for the translations, Lisa ;D

Roger, Sarah and I video-conferenced today. Why I really don't know, since he lives 15 minutes away!

I just got off the 'phone with Marianne after 45 minutes of pure madness. I can't wait to see her, Jaya and Shahnon in two weeks' time.

...just spent another 25 minutes or so on the 'phone with Punky, lol. It's been a busy night :P

Currently listening to: Ant & Dec's Falling
Current emotion: .
Random observation: I miss Punkilla and Di :/

Tak percaya akan hari ini; sesatu kali saya dan Sarah bangun cukup awal untuk makan sarapan pagi di Wimpy's dengan Roger yang sudah lama kita tak jumpa ;D
Selepas berjalan-jalan dan membeli-belah, kami pulang ke rumah Roger untuk menonton DVDnya "Rat Race". Kami ketawa terbahak-bahak melihat telatah Whoopi Goldberg dan Rowan Atkinson yang tidak masuk akal langsung, tetapi lucu sekali.
Saya baru pulang dari kampus dimana pelajar-pelajar dari Asia Tenggara berkumpul di Bilik Bacaan Tuan Morton untuk berlatih dikir barat. Kasihan melihat pelajar-pelajar dari Singapura dan Vietnam yang langsung tidak faham akan Bahasa Melayu :P Selepas bernyanyi and bertepuk-tepuk sampai tangan habis merah, kami bergurau-gurau untuk beberapa minit sebelum saya lari mengejar bas untuk pulang ke rumah :P

[sudah lama saya tak menulis/menaip dalam Bahasa ;D]

Sedang mendengar lagu: Zainal Abidin - Ikhlas Tapi Jauh
Perasaan semasa: .
Random observation: I can't think of the translation for "random observation", lol.

Haha, I found this somewhere in my mountain of .txt files.

~arleetec:
*takes whip out and cracks it in the air* NO!! you guys do what I say!!!!!!!!!!!
:woozster:
*throws a rock at wai wai and laughs disrespectfully*
~arleetec:
dammit teef, stop ruining my speeches!!!

lol.

I miss those crazy days.

I was grumpy for a while, but I just found my fuzzy fuchsia socks, so the world makes sense again.

Or maybe it doesn't, but I'm still happy about finding them.

*hums along to Vertical Horizon*

"...an angel without wings can hardly fly" - VH

Finished reading Marsha Norman's 'night Mother. It's frightening how much there is to relate to. Onto Hermann Hesse's Steppenwolf now. Bah.

Currently listening to: Vertical Horizon's Angel Without Wings
Current emotion: thoughtful
Random observation: It's the little things, it's the simple things.

I still remember that huge skating craze when I was about 16 or so, when Pyramid's skating rink first opened. Everyone I knew would be there every weekend, and weekdays as well, forking over a certain amount of money to fall on their asses and skate on slush, hiaks. Some picked it up pretty quick, others took some time, but everyone was mad crazy over it.
It's been about 6 years, and I finally got my ass on the ice, thousands of miles away from KL, and onto a frozen shallow river we call The Canal :) Yes, I fell (I see you laughing, Uncle Azuan!) and it was a bloody cold experience, but well worth the pains. Kayla and Chris were great, and it was fun watching the little ones tottering about in their baby skates. Only in Canada do parents put their kids on the ice at the tender ages of 2 and up :P

After another day in school, I've come to the conclusion that there are only X kinds of subjects you can write about that will ensure the longevity of your written work and its posterity in the world of academics. The premise must and will remain the same, and among them,

1. Damnation & hell, and anything else Church-related
2. Sex, the more taboo the better (incest, ménage a trois, child pornography, etc.)
3. Tragedies that include the aforementioned.

Nobody likes to read happy endings, by the looks of it. Not in school anyway. We're more messed up than we'd like to believe.

And so, to ensure my success in the literary world, I will go about writing a novel of a girl introduced to the depravation of society through a flawed education system and sadistic Satanic influences, throw some confused and horrific sex in there somewhere (Kayla suggested an orgy) and have her die graphically at the age of 20, alone. Or something.

Booker Prize, here I come!!

Currently listening to: Puddle of Mudd's She Hates Me
Current emotion: amused
Random observation: XP's great, and my 'puter's called Bitch, rah!

I promised you a picture of my puppy :)

Crappiest night of sleep yet. Woke up so bloody often, but I wasn't the only insomniac in the house; Sarah and I suffered together for a bit. I hate waking up every hour or so :/
Alice called bright and early; she's moving next month, and I'm suppose to go see her either over Reading Break or in April. The thought of going back to airports frighten me, but I've been putting off a trip to Jersey ever since Christmas '01, so I really should make an appearance soon. 'sides, it's just a measely two hour flight. Right? Right.

Kayla says we might be going skating today :)

Family obligations suck. And Cookie's looking at me funny *hugs Cookie*

Currently listening to: Oasis's Champagne Supernova
Current emotion: semi-grumpy
Random observation: I should steal Ghettoball for another round of pictures.

Finally, after months of delay and procrastination, I've started cleaning up my harddrive. Thanks to Chris, plans to wipe out everything and install Windows XP is underway, and Sarah's made this possible by letting me park my 12 gigs of mp3s in her shiny new 'puter, seeing as I'm too stubborn to delete any of 'em.

Just bummed around at home for most of the day. I did find a fleece blanket I have my sights set on, but I'm still debating. Everyone napped in the afternoon (the house was dead quiet) and we watched The Shawshank Redemption while moving folders simultaneously. It took a little over 6 hours, ugh. The moving, I mean.

Currently listening to: Mambai's Kau Ilhamku
Current emotion: .
Random observation: 36 hours.

He dared me to do it.

Tiff: Have they been at it since yesterday?
Chris: Hey Tiff, say that louder. I dare you.
Tiff: HAVE THEY BEEN SCREWING EACH OTHER SINCE YESTERDAY?!!?
Chris & Kayla: HAHAHAHAHA!

So yah, you think I won't do it? Think again.

Currently listening to: Guns n' Roses' November Rain
Current emotion: stupid, heh.
Random observation: We tried looking for the definition of "anal retentive" in the Webster Dictionary today.

Went to bed 4-ish, and I was up by 9. Someone tell me what's wrong with the picture here.

Not impressed *makes a face*

Last night was... funny. We drank, and along the way, I baked some cookies, and when everyone was feeling hungry, I made vegetable omelettes. Haha, drunk Tiff wielding a knife and dicing vegetables, hiaks. 'tis not my first time, and I doubt it will be the last. I sent a fork flying at one point, and Sarah thought it was the funniest thing ever. Obviously, if that fork poked someone's eye out it wouldn't be as laughable, but it didn't, so yay. Personally, I say take a couple of shots, and you'll find it funny, too. I know I did ;D

I am too domesticated for my own good damnit.

We had fun. Sarah and Kayla watched Sex and the City, and Chris and I had a huge debate about men being jerks, women being bitches and where you draw the line for the decent people. I think 2% is a pretty good indicator, but that's just me.

I was up for a reason, last night and this morning.

Currently listening to: Katrien's Holding Silence
Current emotion: .
Random observation: It's worth it. It has to be.

This is the worst part about boozing. Drinking so much, and still being rational, bah. Unfortunately, I still know what the fuck I said, and what I think. I am not so drunk that I make no sense whatsoever, that I don't remember shit, that I don't know wtf I'm doing. Damnit, I had more that 6 shots, and I still managed to cook, to do dishes, to have totally rational arguments and disagreements with friends. Like, wtf?! :(

I found out tonight that I am supposedly extremely critical. Now, this took a whole lotta booze to drag it out of a friend, but we managed.

I'm critical, ahaha!

Lookit. You're important to me. If I can call you "friend", that means a lot as it is, because I try not to say things that I do not mean. I just hope you can comprehend that.

I'm so tired.

Currently listening to: Stanford Mixed Co.'s cover of TLC's Unpretty
Current emotion: intoxicated
Random observation: We finished that bottle of vodka.

Haha, we got sloshed last night. Totally unplanned, but we did it. It wasn't even that much, but yah. Just me and Sarah, talking shop and philosophizing over a couple of shots of vodka, rum and/or CC. Yuck, rum. Glad I don't have to touch that stuff again.
So yah, nice and intoxicated, I jumped online and started blogging, haha! I'm such a geek. But hey, as intoxicated as I was, at least I had enough sense about me to save it as a draft instead of publishing it :P

*looks at last blog*

Tsk tsk.

Hiaks. Talking to Merv now. Elegantly wasted indeed ;D I just called him a duh-brain. Ahaha!! Who used to call me that? sooks and Sharon... yah! 'cause I played chess for school, heh. And the closet geek reveals herself :) I miss playing chess. It's been too many bloody years :/ That's it, I'm going out and buying me a chess set, hmph.

...but I don't even remember half the stuff I was taught :/

Ugh. I'm going to get me some water.

Currently listening to: INXS's Elegantly Wasted
Current emotion: random
Random observation: To put it succinctly, society sucks.

I finished reading Cloud 9 today, and after I was done with the book, I threw it down the stairs. Several times ;D It's such a horrid, horrid play, ugh.

So yeah, I never paid attention to the lyrics in John Mayer's Your Body Is A Wonderland, and Kayla just had to fix that.

"What do you think they're doing "swimming in a deep sea of blankets"? Snorkelling?!"

Haha. You couldn't just let me get along with my merry little life, could you, you evil person you?! :P

And Marianne, let people say what they will, so long as you know the truth, as do your friends. Throw a couple of books down the stairs, take a couple of shots and say "Screw 'em! Screw 'em all!". I'll make a trip to TO just to drink with you if I have to :P Hold your head up high now *hug*

Currently listening to: Chage & Aska's On Your Mark
Current emotion: .
Random observation: Fast losing patience with them idiots.

Missed the bus, hah. There's nothing quite like glancing out the window to see the bus you're suppose to be on zoom right by.

It's a great start, don't ya think?

Bought myself a new backpack yesterday, seeing as I left my faithful Timberland one back in Malaysia :/ Bloody hell.

Robbed Roger of his Maxim mags, yay me. It's all porn, and I don't see how guys can say otherwise, but the articles are way funnier than women's mags', so all is good on the reading front. Oh yeah, and they usually have a couple of Absolut ads in them that I steal from time to time (with Ra Ra's permission, of course).

1.42pm. Tick tock tick tock goes the stupid clock.

It's just a phase damnit.

Currently listening to: Incubus's Just a Phase
Current emotion: .
Random observation: Hmph.

I can't feel my toes :(

Was downtown at Alex's preparing for my Utopia presentation, and the bus was late, so I stood outside in the freezing cold for over 15 minutes, ARGH. Winter's fun, but frostbite isn't!

Stupid -22C weather :(

Currently listening to: Counting Crows feat. Vanessa Carlton's Big Yellow Taxi
Current emotion: .
Random observation: I don't take messages unless I want to, so there!

Last night was the very first Malaysian potluck, organized by some students who wanted us to meet and get to know one another, seeing as the Malaysian community at Trent was growing so quickly. When I first got here three years ago, there were probably six of us, and I just found out last night there's already 15. Perhaps it doesn't seem like such a big deal, but for a school of a little over 5000 students, it's a pretty considerable number.
I really didn't want to go, because I usually felt very isolated from the international community, but Kayla talked me into it, and all in all, I'm glad I did. It was nice to see all the new faces (sooks! I met this guy who's from BBBS, and we met him through the Interact Club before!) but it was rather weird walking into a roomful of Malaysians who stopped all conversation and started exclaiming about the entry of the "mysterious Malaysian" whom they've heard about but never seen, lol. I've probably bumped into each Malaysian once last term, which is rather odd, considering how the rest of them meet up quite often. We'll just put it down to my anti-social tendencies :P
So we ate, and yakked, and laughed it up about residence, and home, and stuff we missed. It was all Manglish, and I know if any of the girls were there, they would've laughed at the sheer madness of the whole situation, what with us hurling insults and jokes at top speed in Cantonese, Hokkien, Malay and Mandarin.

So yeah, it was worth the traipse downtown to meet these people. There's just something about Malaysian humour that can't be beat :)

Currently listening to: Pearl Jam's Alive (acoustic)
Current emotion: .
Random observation: I discovered the secret of making a day so much better; home-made freshly baked cookies first thing in the morning!

Tiff. Tiffy. Stuff (haha!). Baby T. Little One. Shorty. Bitch ;D You barely scratch the surface when it comes to listing nicknames. And who can forget the numerous times those Coffee Bean baristas mangled mine? It's always a source of amusement when boredom sets in and we want to get out of the house, grab a nice ice blended and just enjoy one another's slightly inane and crazy company. It's not often the baristas get it right, so when they actually do, you know it's a special day :P

I miss those moments.

I miss the people. They're all back in KL, and as much as I am myself here, I'm me there too. Cynical, taunting, sometimes funny. The constant bitching with and at one another, the serious talks that may or may not end with a "a'ight. Stop it right there! Drop it. DROP IT!".

(I'm still right, and you have to bloody admit it to yourself, even if not to me :P)

As much as we drive each other up the wall, piss each other off, and laugh till tears run down our faces, there's a certain sense of affection and love that comes from being friends with people like these.

It's a name they call, it's a sense of belonging. Yeah guys, every moment or so, nostalgia hits me, and I miss you. All of you.

Currently listening to: some old chinese song by Beyond :P
Current emotion: .
Random observation: Still trying to find a place.

Ever get those days where you don't know what to do with yourself?

Answers. All I want are just some bloody answers.

In the past two days, I've baked, I've cleaned, I've read, most definitely slept... watched too much TV for my own good, drank, bummed around with friends.

I hate the waiting. They just won't let you get away with showing up and getting it sorted. No, they make you make an appointment. They make you fill in some stupid form. Then they make you wait. And wait. And wait some more.

It's no wonder it's not effective.

Sarah: Tiff, what's this doing here?
Tiff: I was thinking of killing Damn Chippy or somethin' *big grin*
Sarah: What?! No! I spent all Fall feeding him!
Tiff: Exactly! He's a lil' mooch!
Sarah: Do you know how much money I pumped into that damn thing?!

10.30 in the morning, and... I just don't know, heh.

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out that there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above. - John Mayer

Currently listening to: John Mayer's No Such Thing
Current emotion: .
Random observation: Eating peanut butter chips for breakfast, rah!

You've gotta love Canada. Checking the weather report is as natural as breathing, and nothing really takes your breath away quite like the wonderful reading of -30C for the day. *bangs head against desk*

It's been a little over two years, and I think I've been fairly Canadianized by friends. I'm skilled at peppering my speech with "eh" (kinda like the Malaysian 'lah'), so much so that people think I come from Scarborough, yay me. I say "how are ya?" while walking and don't wait for a reply, even though the Malaysian in me is screaming "rude! rude!!". It's pointless to stop, 'cause even if you do, they don't (I learnt this the hard way in first year). So just keep walking damnit. I comment about the weather as a means to a conversation, I eat carrots and brocolli raw (when I have to *makes a face*) and hockey fights make my day.

Dude, what the hell... Haha!

Currently listening to: Avril Lavigne's I'm With You
Current emotion: .
Random observation: Just a dot. A dotdotdotdotdot.

Sarah and I cleaned the house and put up the Lord of the Rings posters I brought back in the living room today. Mike showed up to fix the fan for the gas fireplace as well, and considering how we've been feeling the past week or so, everything looked so good we decided to celebrate by having a stiff drink in the middle of the afternoon ;D

Am cleaning my harddrive of mp3s while listening to my collection on random. It's funny to skip from Chinese to Malay to rap to rock to jazz, heh. I can't believe the amount of files I have, and that I've been bored enough to accumulate so many bloody songs. I have a bunch of rare acoustic and live tracks, as well as a folder of contemporary accapella that took me forever to compile. Damnit, why the hell did I not buy that harddrive when I had the chance?! *smacks forehead*

Screw it, screw it all.

Currently listening to: Mikaila's It's All Up To You
Current emotion: .
Random observation: When the hell did I download that song?

I'm sleepy, I'm achy, I'm tired.

Wildly fluctuating between the dreamer and the cynic, trying to clear the mind. Sometimes, I just want to pack up and ship out. Get the hell out of here, try to figure out what I'm doing, try to understand. Sarah tells me the natives call this the Third Stage, the Wandering Stage in life.
Candles burn and music plays; the lights are off, save one lone lightbulb sitting in a corner, casting its luminiscent glow that tries to inspire a faith and a warmth inside and out.
Good luck, little lightbulb.

Put your hand over
where your heart is
and feel it beat
with a warmth and heat
that sears more than just your palm.
A life under your fingers,
one that's touched lives
in thousands and millions
even if it doesn't feel that way.

Friends. What on earth would one do without them?

Currently listening to: Erasure's Always
Current emotion: .
Random observation: More than 6 cups of coffee a day and I'll hunt you down and forcefeed you cookies! lol.

Munching on crackers while going crackers. How apt.

I used to think that things would be okay in the end, that if you believed enough, it will be enough. I just realized today that it's all a fucking lie.

Someone told me sometime ago not to lose faith, because it's something that's hard to find again.

I didn't lose it. I just misplaced it, that's all.

.

Imaliarimafreakimahypocriteimpainandemotionandrandommomentslockedinabott
leforsaleandimtearsthaticantcrybecauseihavetopretendthatimstrongevenwhenimw
eakandimnotimnotatleastithinkimnotbutiknowthetruthandthetruthisimspinelessnad
meekimworthlessandweakandiwillbreakbreakforsakealloneandallandidonthavethe
righttotellyoutolivewheniwanttodiebutidoanywaylifejustbrokenlifeandfragmentsof
momentsofmadnessthatseepthesoulintoadarknessthatcoversandswallowsblackbla
ckeverdarkeningandijustcantseethelightandimsorrysosorrybutijustcantfightidontw
anttofightanymoreijustwanttoliedownandclosemyeyesandneverwakeupeveragain.

Breathe.
Exhale.

Break.

There are some days when you just want to leave it all behind and just keep moving elsewhere, anywhere.

Roger came by for lunch, and hot damn, that silly boy bought me the Absolut Five for Christmas, lol. So much for not boozing, hmph :P Ah well, always knew resolutions were for suckers.
Missed the bus and had to walk to school for my tutorial, ugh. It certainly didn't help that the temperature dropped to -20 in the afternoon. Was rather out of it; guess I'm not as over this jet-lag thing as I thought, what with me being dazed ever so often. Things just seem so surreal sometimes.
Classes were a bore; my new prof spends more time talking to her notes than the students, but she's really nice, so it kinda balances out I guess.
Decided on the spur of the moment to visit Ann whom I haven't seen since September, even though we're both in the same university! Spent a little over two hours catching up on news with her before walking home.

"Look at my legs! Ignore the socks; look at my legs! They're brown, right?! Right?! Look at my FACE! It's WHITE!! I'm a FREAK! " - Sarah

Heh. Roomies kick ass ;D

We caught Joe Millionaire on telly; it's like The Bachelor, except that this dude really isn't a millionaire, and you get to see how manipulative and bitchy women can get, hiaks. Stupid reality series that goes to show how awful humanity really is.

Plans to sled down the hill behind our house are already underway. We've discussed this a couple of times, and all we really need now is a sled or sorts. I'm volunteering for the first suicidal try-out! Why suicidal? Because it's a steep hill that runs directly onto a busy Water Street ;D

[Don't worry, we have safety measures. Someone's going to stand at the foot of the hill to tell us when traffic's clear. And should a crazy-fast car come whizzing by, "BAIL!!" would be the appropriate word to yell.]

Currently listening to: BBMak's More Than Words
Current emotion: .
Random observation: I got back in time for the coldest week this winter, blah.

A'ight, it's the first day of school for me, and hey, I'm up, so yay! One less worry to think about (for the moment).

To get off to a good start for what may be a bad day, I made french toast for breakfast, rahh. Am still debating if I want to walk to school in -11C weather. *blinks* I haven't set foot outside this house since I got back, unless you count running in and out of Chris's car a couple of times.

How ah?

*takes a deep breath*

Here we go. Wish me luck, people.

Currently listening to: Ben Folds Five's Brick
Current emotion: .
Random observation: If you wear socks and a fleece sweater over your pajamas before you go to bed, it doesn't feel as cold in the morning :)

A'ight, I'm done catching up with my girls. I can go back to Malaysia now.

No, really.

Oh well, it was worth a shot anyhow.

Was in bed 2-ish and woke up at 9 on Saturday, so that was pretty good. Chris was here, so we went grocery shopping and even stopped by Cottage Toys, 'cause they're having a clearance sale. Didn't buy anything, though. Bummed at home, and Punky came to say hi, so I cooked dinner and we chatted. Am horribly disappointed that I didn't get to see Asha before she left back for London :/
Punky showed us this website that has a million games and funny stuff that totally cracked us up. Well, maybe not a million, but it damn well felt like it :P My favourite's this, 'cause Roger showed it to us back in December, and it's funny as hell. Watch it! Roger's the bitch* on the right, and the guy on his left is, in his words, "[his] shower buddy", hiaks.
Jet-lag as expected: I held on and lasted till 8-ish before passing out (literally! one minute I was laughing, and the next I was asleep), and Punky had to put me to bed, oops. I don't even remember walking to my room, hmm. Anyway, was up at 5, read till 7, passed out and was up again at 9.
Sometime around 11-ish, Chris woke up, and he started this conversation with Kayla about the mechanics of peeing (?!). Kayla decided quite evilly to include me in the conversation, and from there it was an informative yet crazy, if amusing, facts that included the X number of steps required towards such an activity.
Huh.
According to Chris, I oversimplified the process, not just for women, but for men as well. I decided to run while I could, but Kayla cornered me in my room and shared what Chris had told her.

So yes, today I learnt that:
1. To say that one pulls down one's pants, pees, pulls the pants back up and flushes is oversimplification of a very complicated process in the body's commitment towards discharging waste.
2. Each step requires an excruciatingly detailed explaination and deserves equal attention and respect (?!)
3. Men think tissue is optional
4. Internal pressure and continual adjustment plays a huge factor in skillful peeing.

...ah, the glory of education.

Anyway, among other things, my 'puter's being a bitch and I don't know why :/ It's hella slow, and shuts down by itself (!?). Grrr. Frustrated..!

Back to the good things. Kayla bought me some Absolut giftwrap, which I've already put up on my wall, and Chris gave me a rock for throwing at people. Excellent. Now I can be truly abusive, hah!

It's cold (the house is usually a nice balmy 16/17C), but I'm quickly getting used to freezing my ass off again. Upside is that the cold gets the metabolism rate running, downside is that it makes one constantly hungry :/ something tells me my coffee stash isn't going to last.

Sleepy. Need to get over this time-change quick, but I don't want to, 'cause I want to go home. Even so, we can't always have what we want, so screw it, screw it all..!!

*okay, it's not really him, but we'd like to pretend that it is, seeing as they're both Korean and crazy ;D

Currently listening to: Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me (acoustic)
Current emotion: cold
Random observation: hot green tea, mm.

A pain that colours darkness
in shades of black,
Faithless self hurls abuse
for that we lack.

For that we cannot change
we let it be,
but a lonely soul
we try to heal,
we let go,
set free.

I am finally back in the Patch, after a good 38 hours. Ugh, never let me travel like that again :/ While I was glad that I was alone (I tend to be rather bitchy, and don't like to inflict myself upon others), carrying all that shit back was a pain. I don't even know what the hell I brought back that was so heavy!
After the hellish 11 hours in Narita, I had to suffer another 12 flying to Toronto. Landed, found out that Chris couldn't come get me, caught the transit bus downtown, waited another 2 hours for the Greyhound, slept throughout the 2 hour bus ride and finally caught a cab back to my place.
Good news is that home feels as if I've never left it. Bad news is that my mirror broke on its way here :/

Am exhausted, but I can't sleep.

Currently listening to: Jim Carey's Cuban Pete
Current emotion: .
Random observation: it's -20C out.

Bloody hell, I just lost my whole post, ARGH.

Am currently in Narita using some high tech Toshiba notebooks which I love, but since it deleted my post, I'm liking it a whole lot less *frowns* Even so, it's free high speed Internet access, so YAY!

I'd probably enjoy myself a whole lot more if I weren't so tired, blah. We touched down in Tokyo at 5am Malaysian time, so I feel kinda crappy. If that wasn't bad enough, I was stuck in the transit area (where they have absolutely nothing) till past 11, before the counter opened :( I was so tired that I fell asleep for a bit. I think I left my ass print on that leather seat... ;D
My transit time was suppose to be about 10 hours, but my flight came in early, so it's been extended to 11. *sigh* I really do like the airport, it's all techy and stuff, but I'm just.so.tired!

*sulks*

We had a nice home-cooked dinner before I left, and Colin whipped out a tiramisu for dessert, yum! See, I'm going to miss having my brother feed me, heh. All in all, I really am a spoilt brat.

Meh. Don't wanna type anymore. Feeling hungry. Wonder what food they've got around here..

Currently listening to: Japanese/English announcements over the PA system
Current emotion: exhausted
Random observation: Americans seem to get very frustrated here...

Before I go into my usual ramblings, I'd just like to say that the last word means more to some than others, and this verbal slanging match could go on forever (and trust me, I have many bones to pick!), but the buck stops here. I don't like to repeat myself over and over: it takes too much time and effort for something that was meant to be funny in the first place, when I could be off spending what time I have left with loved ones. Derder, if I've ever slighted you in any way, my apologies. I have a lousy temper, and it's a fault I hope to rectify over time.

To each his/her own, after all.

And to my friends who have done such a wonderful job defending my rant, I really am blessed to have friends like you! It seems pretty inadequate, but thank you, so much :)

For strangers, I really should warn you to please take my comments then and those to come with a pinch of salt: I have a mad sense of humour, which seems to get me into hot soup every now and then. (um, oops?)

...and that's that.

...

I don't want to leave.

It's hard to have two places one calls home, but I'm so lucky to know such marvellous people that I really would like to move Malaysia over next to Canada if I could. Or at least make it easier for me to travel back and forth, heh.

I've pretty much said goodbye to the people that matter here. Had Haagan Daz (thank you chee mui!) last night with Lisa, Azuan and Rudy before going off to hunt Vincent and Merv down. Vincent thinks I should slow down a little when I take corners :P
Spent the day with sooks and Lisa today between shopping with dad and working a little. Kai has already taken off for Singapore, so it was just me, Shean Min, Agnes, Kevin and Lisa who yumchared for the last time at Rafi's tonight.
The family's been buying all sorts of last minute stuff for me, and Colin gave me the cutest bandanna ever! It has little paw prints all over it, and makes me look anything but thuggish, lol! Audrey bought me a bag I've been eyeing for a while, and the parents have been paying for most of the other stuff, eek.

I really do feel guilty every time I buy something with money I did not earn :/

Ah well, another break down the drain. I had a blast though, with all the usual ups and downs, and having everyone back was such a fantastic bonus :) Leaving tomorrow night, and I have 10 hours to bum around in Japan before my connecting flight to Canada, ugh. Any ideas on how to kill time?

I will see you
in my mind
as I close my eyes.
I will touch you
in my mind
and hang tight to friendships' ties.
I will keep you
in my mind
and in my heart as well
I will hold you
in my mind
whether in heaven or hell.

Currently listening to: Def Leppard's Two Steps Behind
Current emotion: .
Random observation: Download this!! Please? :)

My "On being single" post was meant to be amusing to all, empowering to some and just plain ramblings to others. However, with a trigger-happy temper like mine, it's hard not to want to kick some person's ass because they choose to skim instead of read an article properly before stating a thinly-veiled insult disguised as an opinion of and upon others.

To clarify things a little, my "outburst" had nothing to do with "the lack of suitors or lack of attraction from the opposite sex", and I'd like it if you didn't assume that every single person's life is wrapped up in this "search" for a partner or relationship in the first place. After all, everybody knows that assumption is the mother of all fuck ups, and we wouldn't like to think that you'd fucked up one way or another, do we?
If you'd read my post properly, you would've noticed that I stated quite specifically that I have no problems whatsoever with the whole concept of relationships. The Problem, and thus, the gist of my post, are the people who happen to think that relationships are the defining point in a person's life, and that if you're single, you are sadly lacking in many departments.
I've stated, quite clearly, that I think "it's great when you can find happiness with someone, and I applaud whoever's succeeded in doing so. After all, I've seen my fair share of happy people. I'm not condemning relationships. I'm just pissed that some people feel that if you're not in one you're a failure as a human, you're "incomplete" and you're "less fulfilled" than someone who is in one, dysfunctional or otherwise".
I happen to have friends who are in excellent relationships, who are truly happy, and I'm bloody well pleased for them. It always makes me smile to see others happy, after all. However, when some person comes along telling me that being single is equavalent to being a lesser fulfilled person, that's when I'd like nothing better than a good old Chinese response of chopping that idiot into eighteen pieces and feeding him/her to the dogs.

Perhaps S summed it up for me best of all:

i dont think that tiff has any negative feelings towards those who are IN relationships and are all for it....but about those who are possibly in them, and look negatively upon those who ARE NOT in a relationship...

In conclusion, I can only deduce two possibilities for your comment. First, that you've totally missed the point, and thought that I was dissing people who are in relationships and happen to like being in one, but which I've already clarified, is not the case. Relationships can be cool. Second, that you ARE one of those who believe that you have to be in a relationship to be fulfilled, and that single people are just sad, pathetic losers, in which case, you've just proved my point that people like you exist, and that I don't like people like you, with reasons already stated ;D

Thank you for the 'phone call, Lisa, you totally cracked me up ;D and thank you S, for understanding what I was so incoherently (to some people) trying to say. And Jan Ee, there will be no raping :P

My Uncle Azuan still has hopes that some day, I will mellow out, that I will stop dishing out "alternative affection", and that I will stop swearing like a sailor.

Fat hopes, Uncle!

Somewhere along the way, I forgot to mention that my brother's back from Langkawi, and although he tried to kill me (refer to allergy post), all was forgiven when he whipped out this 1 litre bottle of Absolut Mandrin he bought for RM39, just for me.

I love my brother, I really really do ;D

NB: I wrote this a couple of days ago and forgot to post it.

Okay, is it just me, or is there some kind of negative stigma out there regarding being single? If there is, to all you judging, holier-than-thou, I-think-I'm better-just-because-I'm-attached people out there, a big FUCK YOU to you.
That's right, you heard me! Allow me, for the next fifteen minutes, to degenerate into an uncouth foul-mouthed name-calling floor-stomping bitch while I swear you to hell and perdition for your sheer stupid judmental stance towards singletons!
Everywhere I look, there are articles and people taking a stance on the be single or be attached dilemma, and right here right now I'm taking MY stand to say SCREW YOU, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING FUCKING SINGLE. In other words, there is no dilemma.

I do NOT need someone else out there to make me feel wanted, or loved, or special. I have no need for emotional blackmail, for dependency, for company. What the hell do you think friends and family are for? So you think "that special someone will fill a void"? If you can't bloody function by yourself, you think you're ready for someone else, to share their burdens when you can't even handle your own!? Where's the freakin' logic here?!
I read that stupid article in a local magazine that made me ashamed (that's right, ashamed!) that this silly little whore was KL-ite and Malaysian, for her whining and lousy reasons to search for "the other", going on and on about how she had degrade herself down to search for a man in clubs, in gyms, in bookstores (leave the goddamn books out of this!!). You silly little bitch, you don't NEED a man! And calling yourself Ms Perfect while asking for men with plenty of money (paraphrased quote here) to e-mail you isn't only shallow, it's bloody well degrading! You might as well hang a sign around your neck with the words desperate painted in neon while standing on a street corner. Yes, make men think that the only thing all women are after is money. After all, we are living in a materialistic society, aren't we? Call yourself a person, BAH HUMBUG! You give living creatures a bad name.

What is it with all this desperation, anyway? Does the thought of living alone for the rest of your life, without having to sleep with some bloody person forever, who will (according to divorce statistics, etc) probably cheat on you a couple of times (or vice versa) seem so appealing?

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Sure, it's great when you can find happiness with someone, and I applaud whoever's succeeded in doing so. After all, I've seen my fair share of happy people. I'm not condemning relationships. I'm just pissed that some people feel that if you're not in one you're a failure as a human, you're "incomplete" and you're "less fulfilled" than someone who is in one, dysfunctional or otherwise. Look here, smartass, the fact remains that a relationship really means nothing if you can't be happy with yourself, with or without the other person standing beside you. The day someone tells me they feel as if a part of them is empty because there isn't someone else out there to hold their hand, I say get some therapy and get over this emotional dependency that so belabours your being.

I just can't grasp the concept: how can you be happy with someone when you're not even happy with yourself?

And to those who, upon reading this, feel the immediate need to call me "lesbian", "feminist", "man-hater" or otherwise, first things first, yes, I think men suck, but I never said that women didn't either. Humanity as a whole is a pain in the proverbial ass, and no one is bloody perfect, and that include you, me and the next person standing in line for a manicure with US5000 in his/her pocket. As I've said a thousand times before, perfectibility is but a figment of humanity's overactive imagination. We hurt, we make mistakes, but that's what makes us beautiful. If you can't see that, then you really ought to take a break from that mindless bubble you're living in and join the real world.

"Oh, you won't know the feeling of amazing euphoria till you actually get into a relationship."

You know what? If the only reason I'm in a relationship is to be viewed as normal and healthy, to have a sense of "stability", and that was all that mattered to me, thanks, I'll pass. I'd rather be weird and dysfunctional while trying to find some meaning in this crazy place we call life, than look to someone to provide the answer that I'd be more satisfied finding by myself.
I don't give a flying fuck if I'm single or attached, and I don't think you should either.

Has society really screwed you up so bad that living alone seems like such a horrible ordeal?

And for the record, yes, I'm straight, and yes, I'm pretty damn sure about it :P I only wish asexuality was an option.

Was supposed to bake with sooks today, but there was a change of plans, and I ended up shopping for some stuff with Kai instead. From Carrefour to Subang Parade to SS2, it was an interesting trek around Klang Valley as we searched for this elusive thing Kai was looking for. Along the way, we stopped by this really cool second-hand bookstore, and I picked up a hardcover copy of the complete works of Shakespeare as well as Tolkien's The Silmarillion for 35 and 12 bucks respectively. Not bad, considering that both books were in really good condition. Now if only I could find the time and will to read them.

I guess today's activities wasn't the only thing that kinda changed. I finally decided to consider switching majors, although to what exactly, I'm still iffy about. Sure, I've been kidding around about being a fake English major and all that, but honestly, I don't feel like one at all. I can't pick quotations out of thin air, I have lousy memory, I hate reading Shakespeare (or just plain reading, for that matter) and I just don't know if I'm even doing what I'm doing because I like it, or because I'm just stubborn and refuse to admit that I'm wrong.

So yeah, there's my inner debate of the moment.

To lighten things up a little:
"Hey, know what a MILF is?"
"Mom I'd Like to Fuck?"
"Check the legs on that one!"

Hah.

"Hey, a Siamese shark! I bet it speaks Thai! Sawadee kap?!"

Currently listening to: Jesus Jones' Right Here Right Now in my head
Current emotion: .
Random observation: If I hear any more Las Ketchup nonsense, I am going to kill someone...

I wonder if sleeping is just another way of denying reality, hmm.

sooks came by yesterday, and we baked a batch of brownies for the hell of it. Got to use Colin's mixer for the first time, and I really want to bring that back to Canada with me ;D
Dinner with the family last night was really nice, although slightly awkward, seeing as mom, Audrey and I had a slanging match of sorts that morning. We got over it.
Drove to Bangsar to see Sue off and at the same time, meet up with the gang. Considering how it's usually just Shean Min, Kai and me nowadays, last night was pretty complete, with Shao Yi, Agnes and Norman making and appearance as well. As usual, we bickered, made fun of one another, caught up on news (and lies!) and just had a good time.
"Ixnay on the rash-ay!!"
"Don't look at me, there are three guys here, and you hugged the one with the rash!"

It was nice to see everyone. We drove Agnes back to Cheras before going home, and for a moment we thought we were lost for a bit.

Friendship's all about the brotherhood-sisterhood thing.

Currently listening to: nothing
Current emotion: .
Random observation: bah.

Not right
in more ways than one
Errors
both said and done.

I'm not emotional,
but most likely
just quite simply,
Dysfunctional.

I pose threat to no one but me.

It's barely the 3rd, and already I want this year to end. My mp3 player is busted :/

*bangs head on desk*

New Year's dinner with a couple of friends a few days ago; Merv, Sue and Lisa cooked most of the dishes, and my one and only contribution was chocolate cake, which Lisa guarded with her life, lol. I've never seen you so possessive with food, chee mui ;D
It was nice, just the six of us hanging out, watching a little of Spiderman before dinner, and after that, some Playstation II for the guys and the computer and TV for the girls. Sue was trying to get an overdose of Chinese series before she left while Lisa and I were downloading songs and burning CDs, courtesy of Merv. Drove Lisa to the convenience store, and she has decided quite graciously that one does not require extra insurance while riding in my car, lol. Thanks, chee mui ;)

Have to bake again later today, as I promised Crystal I'd bring something for her birthday party tonight. Am waiting for Audrey to get ready; we're heading to 1 Utama for some stuff.

Started packing last week; I've learnt my lesson from my last trip, and so I have a box which I dump whatever I want to take back with me tossed in there. Hey girls, if you're reading this (esp. Kayla and Punky), do you remember what else I'm suppose to bring back, aside from the 'phone for the hall, foodstuff (let me know if there's anything in particular you want), posters, etc? I keep thinking I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, and I've already packed my Cooking for Dummies ;D Kayla, I found some posters for the living room and stairs.

What else? *taps fingers on desk*

Asha's in Toronto, yay! I hope to see her before she leaves for England again.

A'ight, 'tis time to go.

Currently listening to: Valeria Andrews' & Ryan Toby's Pay Attention
Current emotion: .
Random observation: Ever get the feeling you're being used?

I thought I was doing Colin a favour when I promised to stay in his room for the duration of his trip to Langkawi, for certain reasons which I'm just too lazy to explain. Three nights, and I can barely open my eyes and walk ten paces without sneezing, ARGH.

What the hell am I allergic to?!

*mumbles*

I feel like crap.

Oh yeah, and if anyone has any idea on how to purchase fake Rolexes (and where), please let me know. Yahlah, I know can get at Chow Kit Road, but do I really have to go all the way there to pick it up?! :(

Excuse the lapse into Manglish. Heck, I'm home.

I HATE doing favours. Why the hell did I offer to help anyway? Why the hell do I keep offering to do favours when it totally inconveniences myself?! Why damnit why?! *pulls hair*

Come to think of it, did I even offer, or did he just ask (demand?)? *scratches head*

Huh.

In the words of Shean Min, "Happy fucking new year".

Currently listening to: nothing
Current emotion: grumpy and miserable
Random observation: Somewhere at the back of my mind, I just know my brother's trying to kill me.